“It’s hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart still does.”
Many of us have experienced the pain of a broken heart when a relationship comes to an end. One of the things we do to self-soothe is to sit, or lay in bed, while listening to our favorite “sad” love songs over and over and over again. And then one day, you just stop listening. How did you get over your breakup?
Recently someone very close to my heart broke up with their longtime love. They said the break up was mutual. This is/was their first love. I’ve been offering words of advice to help the person get through this painful time but I know that my words have only offered temporary relief from the pain and sadness. I know that things just have to run their course. This got me thinking… “How do you mend a broken heart? How do you get over a breakup? What lessons can we learn when a relationship comes to an end?” Now I’m not talking about the negative things we might say about the other person, like… he/she is just a jerk, cheater, insensitive, a**hole, too possessive, too jealous, too controlling, crazy, cheap, depressing, selfish, etc. What I mean is – “What does the end of a relationship show us/teach us about ourselves?” I’ve decided to explore this further and in the future will write some blog posts on this subject. For starters, I’d like your help in answering this…
How do you mend a broken heart? How do you get over a breakup?
When it comes to relationships and their ending, I think many of us have heard the saying…
“It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.” – Alfred Lord Tennyson
But it sure doesn’t feel like it when you’re experiencing the pain of heartache/heartbreak. We feel the loss like we’re an addict going through withdrawal.
“Love is the hardest drug to quit, but it is even harder when it is taken away.” (author unknown)
Maybe you noticed that things were different between the two of you. You may have felt the person distancing themselves from you. You may have had a feeling that the end was near…
Or it happened suddenly…
“Breaking up. It happens kind of suddenly. One minute, you’re holding hands walking down the street, and the next minute, you’re lying on the floor crying and all the good CDs are missing.” – Kennedy Kasares
The pain is excruciating. You didn’t know you could hurt this much. You really want this pain to stop. Time goes by, it still hurts, and you think – ‘Is time really on my side?’ because…
“They say that time heals all wounds but all it’s done so far is give me more time to think about how much I miss you.” – Ezbeth Wilder
You’re obsessing over him/her and feel…
You know you can’t be friends …
But you’re hoping and praying he/she will come to his/her senses and realize…
“Ain’t No Sunshine” (by Bill Withers)
You just want to wake up from this nightmare. You want to hear your loved one say…
“Baby Come Back” (by Player)
OR
“Let’s Stay Together” (by Al Green)
Everyone says…
“If someone you love hurts you, cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it.” – Anonymous
But even though you try you…
“Can’t Let Go” (by Mariah Carey)
Because you still believe …
“We Belong Together” (by Mariah Carey)
You know that …
“Living in the past causes you to miss out on the present. Life is too short to let it pass you by.”
But your heart is saying…
“I Still Believe” (by Brenda K. Starr)
Maybe you were the one who initiated the breakup, or maybe the breakup was mutual.
It may hurt, but just remember that no one is…
“Irreplaceable” (by Beyonce’)
Even so, at the end of the day all you really want to know is…
How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?
More on this topic in another post. One thing I do know for sure is…
You’re going to need some music therapy. If you’re a woman, you’ve got to sing the women’s national anthem many, many, many times!
“I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor
And eventually you will be singing this song…
Remember…
“No matter who broke your heart, or how long it takes to heal, you’ll never get through it without your friends.”
What advice do you have for getting over a break up?
I was in a relationship that spanned most of my time in college and then the first year out. We would have our occasional fights, break up, and then be back together within a few days. We were young and silly. We graduated and moved to different cities four hours apart – me to a new career and him to grad school. We visited back and forth. The distance became greater as the year went on. Then one day I realized it was over (and had been for a while) and I ended the relationship. He said, let’s just take a break. The break lasted the whole summer. That fall I went to visit for a weekend. We had a wonderful time together and actually discussed how to make it all work – especially the distance. I got into my car late Sunday afternoon to drive home. I popped my most recent mixed tape (this was 19 years ago) into the tape player and hit play. The very first song I heard was Carole King’s “It’s Too Late.” I’m not kidding. I had a number of her songs on the tape and that one happened to be next in the queue. I listened to her words. I cried my heart out. I probably should not have been driving. But I cried and played the song over and over. By the time I got home I knew. We were done. I couldn’t go back. The best thing for both of us was to move forward – in different directions. It was too late…
J: Thank you for taking the time to share your story. I really appreciate it. Distance does seem to do a number on relationships. The Carole King song incident was strange. I guess the Universe was trying to tell you something. Funny how that happens. There always seems to be just the right song around when we go through our grieving process. Take care, A.
this blog make me cried all over again. i just broke up with my bf that i thought going to be my future husband. but he left me.. he promised me this and that but at the end of the day, nothings happen. i’m suffer and all this time i just being hypocrite, i put mask on my face. i smile when i confront with him.but deep inside my heart, it hurts me so much. everything messed up right now, and i don’t really know what i should do. my stress level are insane. lost my weight and everything not in a good condition..
haha. i am still getting married to my boyfren who is my first husband even when it is a distance relationship .physically we are already married and we are together in spirit. so to hear of all the sad stories here from people who are sour grapes are just funny to me.
our wedding video will be on internet. look out for our celebration!
Janelly, to be laughing at other peoples pain is not only cold and callous of you but very immature; too immature for you to even be thinking about getting married. Your post makes it clear that you have much growing up to do first. Hope you postpone your wedding until that happens for you.
Sometimes, relationships have a termination fee, hers cost a broken heart.
Loving the advice really helped…… Me and my ex broke up 6 months ago, He broke up wit me:( and °̩I thought °̩I moved on…… Like I’ve goten wit other guys and that bt it really hit me wen °̩I saw his status was abt his new girlfriend… But he still flirts wit me????? HELP!!!
Hello,
You know the saying – you let love go; if it was meant to be it will come back. Not sure if that’s a valid statement. The other day my ex and I called it quits. It was definitely not mutal. At the end of the conversation, there are more questions then answers. Can a man love you, care for you, your well being is of the utmost importance, love the friendship that is the based of your relationship, can be themselves with you 100%, even omg! Love your family …. yet not want a relationship with you? I understand love for a season. But when that season is over, you should not have more questions – it should be easier to move on, right? At this point, I’m think if there’s a point to love relationship anymore.