Why Women Have Sex

According to a new book, there are 237 reasons why women have sex. And most of them have little to do with romance or pleasure.

Last week I happened to catch the Jay Leno show the night Dr. Phil was his guest. Dr. Phil happened to mention that there is a recent study out on the “237 Reasons Women Have Sex.” Wow! I certainly don’t think I can come up with that many reasons. Actually, it’s not something I’ve really given any thought. However, since this piqued my curiosity I decided to see what I could find out about it on the web. So here’s my findings:

Why Women Have Sex

There’s a book called “Why Women Have Sex.” It is by Cindy Meston, a clinical psychologist, and David Buss, an evolutionary psychologist. Meston and Buss have interviewed 1,006 women from all over the world about their sexual motivation, and in doing so they have identified 237 different reasons why women have sex. From the reams of confessions, it emerges that women have sex for physical, emotional and material reasons; to boost their self-esteem, to keep their lovers, or because they are raped or coerced. Love? That’s just a song. We are among the bad apes now. Read more here: http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/sep/28/sex-women-relationships-tanya-gold

“Why Women Have Sex” book excerpt at amazon.com:

http://www.amazon.com/Why-Women-Have-Sex-Understanding/dp/0805088342/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1256680602&sr=1-1




CNN took to the streets to ask real women why they have sex.

Top 50 Reasons Men and Women Have Sex
http://www.livescience.com/health/070731_top_fifty.html




Why We Have Sex

Researchers asked more than 400 men and women, ranging from 17 to 52 years old, to identify the various reasons why people have sex. Then, more than 1,500 undergraduate students were asked about their sexual experiences and attitudes.

The combined results revealed 237 sexual motivations, which the psychologists, David Buss and Cindy Meston of the University of Texas at Austin, sorted into four major factors and 13 sub-factors:

Physical reasons—reduce stress (“It seemed like good exercise”); feel pleasure (“It’s exciting”); improve or expand experiences (“I was curious about sex”); and the physical desirability of a partner (“The person was a good dancer”).

Goal-based reasons—practical considerations (“I wanted to have a baby”); social status (“I wanted to be popular”); and revenge (“I wanted to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease”).

Emotional reasons—love and commitment (“I wanted to feel connected”); expression (“I wanted to say ‘thank you’”).

Insecurity-based reasons—self-esteem (“I wanted the attention”); a feeling of duty or pressure (“My partner kept insisting”); to hold onto a mate (“I wanted to keep my partner from straying”).

They also found significant gender differences. For instance, men were more likely than women to endorse being motivated by experience seeking, mere opportunity and physical appearance. Examples included: “The person was available,” “I wanted to increase the number of partners I had experienced” and “The person had an attractive face.”

Women were more motivated than men by certain emotional factors, such as “I wanted to express my love for the person.” Read more here: Why We Have Sex: 237 Reasons Revealed http://www.livescience.com/health/070731_survey_sex.html




If you want to see the 237 Reasons to Have Sex, click on the link below:

237 Reasons to Have Sex (What men and women told sex researchers in a new study)

Men’s Health has listed all 237 Reasons to Have Sex. Click the link to see the reasons:
http://www.menshealth.com/cda/article.do?site=MensHealth&channel=sex.relationships&category=better.sex&conitem=fc1a0ac9bc0d3110VgnVCM10000013281eac____&page=1




Have you ever stopped to think about the reasons you have/had sex?

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How to Stay Young in Heart and Mind to Maximize Your Life

Is 85 the New 65?
How to stay young in heart and mind
to maximize your life!

by Al Weatherhead

  

I’ll begin by stating an absolute truth: age is a state of mind.

You may dismiss my declaration as a cliché, but I’m here to tell you that it’s an invaluable secret.

What’s more, if you embrace the wisdom at its core by practicing my approach to dealing with life’s trials and tribulations, you’ll discover a personal fountain of youth that will provide you with the physical, spiritual and emotional energy to experience the world with a child’s wonder and delight.

It may sound like a lot to promise… Especially if you’re currently in the grip of a serious and chronic illness… but as readers of my book, THE POWER OF ADVERSITY: Tough Times Can Make Your Stronger, Wiser, and Better, know, I too have struggled to conquer serious illness and regain my youthful vigor.

I’ve endured – and surmounted – terrible arthritis, serious heart disease and major depression. What’s more I’m a recovering alcoholic. Today, at age 84, I’m healthy, and happily married to the woman of my dreams; a proud father and grandfather; CEO of a multi-million dollar company; and a thoughtful philanthropist.

I assure you that the rules I share with you today on how to stay young at heart and in mind by harnessing the power of adversity have stood the test of time. In fact they’ve helped me beat Father Time and stay young… and they can do the same for you!

Rule #1 Attitude and the Mind – The power of positive imagery

The number one factor to maintaining your youth is to develop a youthful perspective – by keeping a positive mindset.

The mind, overwhelmed by fear, can be like a drop of mercury on a table, slithering and breaking into wildly evasive squirts and pieces. On the other hand, the mind when positively rooted in a deep passion for life, is more certain and powerful than the forces which rotate the earth.

You will go a long way toward overcoming your adversities that do so much to age you when you avail yourself of the power of positive thinking. I know this to be true because it is that same power that enabled me to control my alcoholism, beat arthritis and accomplish what was once considered impossible: total reversal of heart disease.

Start now to put positive imagery to work for you. One powerful technique to help you do so that I elaborate upon in my book is to not think when facing a life-challenge:  “I have to do it.” Instead, think: “I have it to do.” This will help you take control of your adversity – and your life.

You see, staying young is all about choice. So choose to be young – or restore your youth – by thinking positively with the right imagery. Decide now to regain the healing optimism we all once had as infants learning to walk, when we took our first albeit wobbly but determined steps into our bright futures!

Rule #2 Meditation – The art of letting go

Practicing meditation is the way to create and sustain your positive mindset. Most of the time, our heads are filled with an endless loop of the same thoughts formed over our lives. They drive us to distraction and often plunge us into anxiety. This mental stress and strain becomes physical stress, which greatly contributes to our aging.

Meditation helps alleviate mental stress, short-circuiting the aging process. Far from being a mystical art, meditation is as down to earth and results-oriented as physical exercise. There’s lot of information available on different ways to meditate. Do a bit of web surfing or browse the shelves of your local bookstore to find a method that feels right for you. I meditate in the pool, by concentrating on my breathing while swimming laps.

Rule #3 Communication — Articulating the speech of the heart

The poet W.B. Yeats described prayer as the “inarticulate speech of the heart.” Our youthful goal is to articulate the heart’s thoughts and feelings, to help us revitalize our spirits, reconnect with others, and replenish our youth.

It was my rheumatoid arthritis that shoved me stumbling along the first few steps of the communication path. Before that bout of suffering, I had barricaded myself from the world. As I struggled with the relentless pain, depression and a lack of certainty about the future, I was granted the gift of a lifetime: the opportunity to relearn how to trust others. I also relearned that trying to get through life alone wears away one’s youth, both inside and out. Reaching out to others and accepting their reaching out to you will go a long way to help you stay young.

You know, at my age the world would probably expect me to dodder about reminiscing about my “better days.” But for me, that could never be.

I still revel in going to my office each day at Weatherchem, the best plastics closure company in America, to chat with my employees and feel the surge of human connection. I also look forward to…

Opening a letter from one of the many philanthropic causes I support, experiencing the sweetness of knowing I am making a positive difference in the world and longing to do more…

Swimming laps in the pool, scudding through the water like a cloud through the blue sky as I meditate on the miracle and mantra of my breathing…

And ending each day talking to my beloved wife, Celia, exchanging words and touches, sharing all that has passed between us and anticipating all that is yet to come…

You, too, can recharge and replenish your body, mind and spirit. Take the first steps to maximize your life right now by following these powerful and liberating rules to stay forever young!

Al Weatherhead is the author of The Power Of Adversity and chairman and CEO of Weatherchem, a private manufacturer of plastic closures for food, spice, pharmaceutical and nutraceutical products.

 

Thank you Mr. Weatherhead for writing this article and being my first guest post on this blog.

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Are You Living by The Four Agreements?

What are the agreements you are living by? One of my favorite books is a little book named “The Four Agreements,” by Don Miguel Ruiz. The book talks about the source of self-limiting beliefs that rob us of joy and create needless suffering. This little book (only 138 pages) offers a powerful code of conduct that can transform our lives. It is not a religion. As with anything you read, you may not agree in total, but if nothing else, it is definitely great food for thought! Agreements #2 (Don’t Take Anything Personally) and #3 (Don’t Make Assumptions) were really eye-opening. They talk about about other people, ourselves, and our relationships with others. The following is an excerpt from the book.

In his book, “The Four Agreements,” Don Miguel Ruiz says…

“There are thousands of agreements you have made with yourself, with other people, with your dream life, with God, with society, with your parents, with your spouse, with your children. But the most important agreements are the ones you made with yourself. In these agreements you tell yourself who you are, what you feel, what you believe, and how to behave. The result is what you call your personality. In these agreements you say, “This is what I am. This is what I believe. I can do certain things, and some things I cannot do. This is reality, that is fantasy; this is possible, that is possible.”

One single agreement is not such a problem, but we have many agreements that make us suffer, that make us fail in life. If you want to live a life of joy and fulfillment, you have to find the courage to break those agreements that are fear-based and claim your personal power. The agreements that come from fear require us to expend a lot of energy, but the agreements that come from love help us to conserve energy and even gain extra energy.

Each of us is born with a certain amount of personal power that we rebuild every day after we rest. Unfortunately, we spend all our personal power first to create all these agreements and then to keep these agreements. Our personal power is dissipated by all the agreements we have created, and the result is that we feel powerless. We have just enough power to survive each day, because most of it is used to keep the agreements that trap us in the dream of the planet. How can we change the entire dream of our life when we have no power to change even the smallest agreement?

If we can see it is our agreements which rule over our life, and we don’t like the dream of our life, we need to change our agreements. When we are finally ready to change our agreements, there are four very powerful agreements that will help us break those agreements that come from fear and deplete our energy.

Each time you break an agreement, all the power you used to create it returns to you. If you adopt these four new agreements, they will create enough personal power for you to change the entire system of your old agreements.

You need a very strong will in order to adopt the Four Agreements — but if you can begin to live your life with these agreements, the transformation in your life will be amazing. You will see the drama of hell disappear right before your very eyes. Instead of living in a dream of hell, you will be creating a new dream — your personal dream of heaven.

The Four Agreements:

1 – Be Impeccable With Your Word – this is the most important agreement and also the most difficult to one to honor. It is so important that with just this first agreement you will be able to transcend to the level of existence I call heaven on earth.

This agreement sounds very simple, but is very, very powerful. Your word is the power that you have to create. Your word is the gift that comes directly from God. Through the word you express your creative power. It is through the word that you manifest everything. Regardless of what language you speak, your intent manifests through the word. What you dream, what you feel, and what you really are, will all be manifested through the word.

The word is not just a sound or a written symbol. The word is a force; it is the power you have to express and communicate, to think, and thereby to create the events in your life. The word is the most powerful tool you have as a human. But like a sword with two edges, your word can create the most beautiful dream, or your word can destroy everything around you. One edge is the misuse of the word, which creates a living hell. The other edge is the impeccability of the word, which will only create beauty, love, and heaven on earth. Depending on how it is used, the word can set you free, or it can enslave you even more than you know.

2 – Don’t Take Anything Personally – Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally. If I see you on the street and say, “Hey, you are so stupid,” without knowing you, it’s not about you; it’s about me. If you take it personally, then perhaps you believe you are stupid. Maybe you think to yourself, “How does he know? Is he clairvoyant, or can everybody see how stupid I am?”

You take it personally because you agree with whatever was said. As soon as you agree, the poison goes through you, and you are trapped in the dream of hell. What causes you to be trapped is what we call personal importance. Personal importance, or taking things personally, is the maximum expression of selfishness because we make the assumption that everything is about “me.” During the period of our education, or our domestication, we learn to take everything personally. We think we are responsible for everything. Me, me, me, always me!

Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world.

Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds. Their point of view comes from all the programming they received during domestication.

When you take things personally, then you feel offended, and your reaction is to defend your beliefs and create conflicts. You make something big out of something so little, because you have the need to be right and make everybody else wrong. You also try hard to be right by giving them your own opinions. In the same way, whatever you feel and do is just a projection of your own personal dream, a reflection of your own agreements. What you say, what you do, and the opinions you have are according to the agreements you have made — and these opinions have nothing to do with me.

Others are going to have their own opinion according to their belief system, so nothing they think about me is really about me, but it is about them.

You may even tell me, “Miguel, what you are saying is hurting me.” But it is not what I am saying that is hurting you; it is that you have wounds that I touch by what I have said. You are hurting yourself. There is no way I can take this personally. Not because I don’t believe in you or don’t trust you, but because I know that you see the world with different eyes, with your eyes. You create an entire picture or movie in your mind, and in that picture you are the director, you are the producer, you are the main actor or actress. Everyone else is a secondary actor or actress. It is your movie.

The way you see that movie is according to the agreements you have made with life. Your point of view is something personal to you. It is no one’s truth but yours. Then, if you get mad at me, I know you are dealing with yourself. I am the excuse for you to get mad. And you get mad because you are afraid, because you are dealing with fear. If you are not afraid, there is no way you will get mad at me. If you are not afraid, there is no way you will hate me. If you are not afraid, there is no way you will be jealous or sad.

If you live without fear, if you love, there is no place for any of those emotions. If you don’t feel any of those emotions, it is logical that you will feel good. When you feel good, everything around you is good. When everything around you is great, everything makes you happy. You are loving everything around you, because you are loving yourself. Because you like the way you are. Because you are content with you. Because you are happy with your life. You are happy with the movie that you are producing, happy with your agreements with your life. You are at peace, and you are happy.

If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you. If that person doesn’t walk away, you will surely endure many years of suffering with him or her. Walking away may hurt for awhile, but your heart will eventually heal. Then you can choose what you really want. You will find that you don’t need to trust others as much as you need to trust yourself to make the right choices.

3 – Don’t Make Assumptions – We have the tendency to make assumptions about everything. The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are the truth. We could swear they are real. We make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking — we take it personally — then we blame them and react by sending emotional poison with our word. That is why whenever we make assumptions, we’re asking for problems. We make an assumption, we misunderstand, we take it personally, and we end up creating a whole big drama for nothing. It is always better to ask questions than to make an assumption, because assumptions set us up for suffering.

We make the assumption that everyone sees life the way we do. We assume that others think the way we think, feel the way we feel, judge the way we judge, and abuse the way we abuse. This is the biggest assumption that humans make. And this is why we have a fear of being ourselves around others. Because we think everyone else will judge us, victimize us, abuse us, and blame us as we do ourselves. So even before others have a chance to reject us, we have already rejected ourselves. That is the way the human mind works. We also make assumptions about ourselves, and this creates a lot of inner conflict.

4 – Always Do Your Best – Under any circumstances, always do your best, no more and no less. But keep in mind that your best is never going to be the same from one moment to the next. Everything is alive and changing all the time, so your best will sometimes be high quality, and other times it will not be as good. When you wake up refreshed and energized in the morning, your best will be better than when you are tired at night. Your best will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick, or sober as opposed to drunk. Your best will depend on whether you are feeling wonderful and happy, or upset, angry, or jealous.

In your everyday moods your best can change from one moment to another, from one hour to the next, from one day to another. Your best will also change over time. As you build the habit of the four new agreements, your best will become better than it used to be.

Doing your best, you are going to live your life intensely. You are going to be productive, you are going to be good to yourself, because you will be giving yourself to your family, to your community, to everything. But it is the action that is going to make you feel intensely happy. When you always do your best, you take action. Doing your best is taking the action because you love it, not because you’re expecting a reward. Most people do exactly the opposite. They only take action when they expect a reward, and they don’t enjoy the action. And that’s the reason why they don’t do their best.

If you do your best always, over and over again, you will become a master of transformation. If you do your best in the search for personal freedom, in the search for self-love, you will discover that’s its just a matter of time before you find what you are looking for.”

Article – Four Agreements http://www.sairegion24.org/fileupload/ditto/14/FourAgreements.pdf

Book Review – The Four Agreements http://www.nderf.org/4AgreementsReview.htm

Book Summary – The Four Agreements http://www.bizsum.com/thefouragreements.htm

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26 Quotes on Choices

Today’s post builds upon a previous post titled, “100 Most Important Life Choices” . The following are 26 quotes from Dr. Shad Helmstetter’s book titled “Choices.”

1 – “No one else can ever make your choices for you. Your choices are yours alone. They are as much a part of you as every breath you will take, every moment of your life.”

2 – “You may think that in life, a lot of things happen to you along the way. The truth is, in life, you happen to a lot of things along the way.”

3 – “Choosing to live your life by your own choice is the greatest freedom you will ever have.”

4 – “It is only when you exercise your right to choose that you can also exercise your right to change.”

5 – “It is your programming that has created your choices in the past. It is the choices you make today that are creating the programs of your future.”

6 – “If you were given only one choice: To choose or not to choose, which would you choose?”

7 – “The choices we make by accident are just as important as the choices we make by design.”

8 – “Another person’s choice is nothing more than another alternative for you to consider.”

9 – “There is no life as complete as the life that is lived by choice.”

10 – “There may be a thousand little choices in a day. All of them count.”

11 – “Whatever you choose, you might as well enjoy it. It is your choice.”

12 – “When you have a problem, make a choice…you’ll feel better.”

13 – “If you’d like to know what your choices have been, look at yourself and the life you have lived. What you see is the choices you’ve made.”

14 – “Who knows what you could accomplish in life if you made more of the right choices along the way?”

15 – “Some people choose to live by complaining. Other people choose to live.”

16 – “You cannot manage your life if you do not manage your self. You cannot manage your self if you do not manage your choices. Manage your choices, and you will manage your life.”

17 – “Learning what to choose, and how to choose, may be the most important education you will ever receive.”

18 – “The choices we make in the heat of emotion would be better if left for some other day.”

19 – “Listen to the quietest whispers of your mind. They are telling you the choices that will help you the most.”

20 – “Even the best of choices is only as strong as the choices that stand by its side.”

21 – “It is the big choices we make that set our direction. It is the smallest choices we make that get us to the destination.”

22 – “Each day that passes, your choices will come and go. They are like diamonds in a chest of jewels, each waiting to be discovered.”

23 – “Those who choose to succeed always do better than those who never choose at all.”

24 – “The highest levels are most certainly filled with those who chose to be there.”

25 – “If you have to take time to make a choice, take time. Then make the choice.”

26 – “The end result of your life here on earth will always be the sum total of the choices you made while you were here.”

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The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

Think about this — When communicating with others about a problem do you Seek First to Understand, or must you Make Your Point First?

Many years ago I read the book “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen R. Covey. The book has since gone on to be a bestseller. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Seven_Habits_of_Highly_Effective_People

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People are:

1 – Be Proactive – taking initiative; responsibility for your own life; behavior based on conscious choice, based on values (rather than a product of their conditions, based on feeling)

2 – Begin with the End in Mind – start with a clear understanding of your destination, know where you’re going

3 – Put First Things First – putting things that matter most first

4 – Think Win/Win – seek mutual benefit in all human interactions

5 – Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood – emphatic communication

6 – Synergize – cooperation with others

7 – Sharpen the Saw – balanced self-renewal

A couple of the habits really stuck with me, like: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood, Begin with the End in Mind, and Sharpen the Saw. Since reading the book, and as I get older, I find I’ve become more understanding of people/situations. I try to understand why people do what they do. I make a conscious effort to try to see things from the other person’s perspective. I haven’t perfected this skill, but I’m still working at it. That doesn’t mean that I agree with them, or would do things the way they do. It’s just that I sometimes imagine being the other person. For instance, I might say, “If I was fearful, insecure, or whatever, I might behave the same way if I was the other person.” Remember the saying that goes something like, “Don’t judge another man until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes.” It’s taking what you know about that person, trying to get inside their head. Sometimes you just have to believe that “it’s not about you.” We all have people in our lives that are close to us and need our understanding. And we need understanding from others as well. This means you will not immediately jump to conclusions. You will control yourself and not immediately fly off the handle in anger, or pout because your feelings are hurt. Try to really listen to what the other person has to say. Hear them out before you respond. Then state your side, or your point of view. This is especially helpful when dealing with your significant other. Why? Your significant other is the one person who really knows how to push your buttons. This will make for better communication and can help you remain calmer. This is not to say that you will never be angry or upset again — just that maybe you won’t react in a way that you’ll later regret. You’ll think before you speak. You won’t be so reactionary. You won’t be so quick to say or do things you wish you could take back. And you won’t waste your valuable time in some long, drawn out emotional funk. Call it relationship damage control. Take a few moments and think about your communication style. Do you seek first to understand, or to be understood first? Below are some links to videos and other info that talks more in-depth about the seven habits.

Empathic Listening

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ak4LZlw99ao

Intro to Seven Habits

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FLXsiIXdLR0

For a more in-depth description of the book/seven habits:

https://www.stephencovey.com/7habits/7habits.php

http://www.quickmba.com/mgmt/7hab/

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Eat That Frog! 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating

Is there something you’re procrastinating on doing today? Or any day for that matter. One of the things that has been on my “To Do” list for a couple of days is to create an editorial calendar for my blog posts. It’s part of an assignment for the 31 Day Build a Better Blog challenge (sponsored by ProBlogger http://www.problogger.net) that I’m participating in with my blogging buddies — Delicacte Flower http://delicacies.wordpress.com and Digital Citizen http://digitalcitizen.ca . How timely that I should receive an email this morning about procrastination. The catchy title caught my attention. The email was about a book on procrastination titled “Eat That Frog! 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Time,” by Brian Tracy.

There’s an old saying that says…”If the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning is eat a live frog, then nothing worse can happen for the rest of the day!” Well, I can still think of a few worse things…but you get the point.

Brian Tracy says that your “frog” should be the most difficult item on your things to do list, the one you’re most likely to procrastinate on; because, if you eat that first, it’ll give you energy and momentum for the rest of the day. But, if you don’t…and let him sit there on the plate and stare at you while you do a hundred unimportant things, it can drain your energy and you won’t even know it. Hmmm, maybe some of us have too many frogs on our plate at one time and that’s why we’re feeling overwhelmed. Check out the cute video and then read the book excerpt below the video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0W7GB5Fh2XM

Here’s an excerpt from “Eat That Frog!” that I received from Simple Truths http://simpletruths.com. It’s a small sampling in Brian’s chapter titled: Apply the 80/20 Rule to Everything. Enjoy!

The 80/20 Rule is one of the most helpful of all concepts of time and life management. It is also called the “Pareto Principle” after its founder, the Italian economist Vilfredo Pareto, who first wrote about it in 1895. Pareto noticed that people in his society seemed to divide naturally into what he called the “vital few”, the top 20 percent in terms of money and influence, and the “trivial many”, the bottom 80 percent.

He later discovered that virtually all economic activity was subject to this principle as well. For example, this principle says that 20 percent of your activities will account for 80 percent of your results, 20 percent of your customers will account for 80 percent of your sales, 20 percent of your products or services will account for 80 percent of your profits, 20 percent of your tasks will account for 80 percent of the value of what you do, and so on. This means that if you have a list of ten items to do, two of those items will turn out to be worth five or ten times or more than the other eight items put together.

Number of Tasks versus Importance of Tasks
Here is an interesting discovery. Each of the ten tasks may take the same amount of time to accomplish. But one or two of those tasks will contribute five or ten times the value of any of the others. Often, one item on a list of ten tasks that you have to do can be worth more than all the other nine items put together. This task is invariably the frog that you should eat first.

Focus on Activities, Not Accomplishments
The most valuable tasks you can do each day are often the hardest and most complex. But the payoff and rewards for completing these tasks efficiently can be tremendous. For this reason, you must adamantly refuse to work on tasks in the bottom 80 percent while you still have tasks in the top 20 percent left to be done.

Before you begin work, always ask yourself, “Is this task in the top 20 percent of my activities or in the bottom 80 percent?” The hardest part of any important task is getting started on it in the first place. Once you actually begin work on a valuable task, you will be naturally motivated to continue. A part of your mind loves to be busy working on significant tasks that can really make a difference. Your job is to feed this part of your mind continually.

Motivate Yourself
Just thinking about starting and finishing an important task motivates you and helps you to overcome procrastination. Time management is really life management, personal management. It is really taking control of the sequence of events. Time management is having control over what you do next. And you are always free to choose the task that you will do next. Your ability to choose between the important and the unimportant is the key determinant of your success in life and work.

Effective, productive people discipline themselves to start on the most important task that is before them. They force themselves to eat that frog, whatever it is. As a result, they accomplish vastly more than the average person and are much happier as a result. This should be your way of working as well.

Other good links for Eat That Frog!:

To see all 21 ways to stop procrastinating here is a good summary:
http://ezinearticles.com/?Book-Notes,-A-Book-Summary-on-the-Book-Eat-That-Frog-by-Brian-Tracy&id=2047222

Eat That Frog! book excerpt from amazon.com http://www.amazon.com/Eat-That-Frog-Great-Procrastinating/dp/1576751988#

Brian Tracy website: http://www.briantracy.com/

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Eat, Pray, Love

“And the time came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” –Anais Nin




Do you feel like things are out of balance in your world? Do you feel like something is not quite right? Many of us have felt that same way. The deep down in your soul knowing that something’s got to give, something has to change. It is time for something new. Time to re-evaluate our lives — what’s important to us, what are the keepers, what do we leave behind, what needs to change? The answer is different for us all. When you feel that call, know that it is time for you to stop and listen to your inner voice. (I’m not talking about the inner voice of negative, get-you-in-trouble self talk). For some it may mean you need to find your inner voice and to go on a journey of rediscovery — of yourself. You may have spent years always putting others needs first, catering to others, working in an area you no longer find fulfilling — or perhaps you never did. Maybe it’s time to ask yourself, “What do I really, really, really want?”

Elizabeth Gilbert, author of the bestseller “Eat, Pray, Love,” found herself at that point in her life when she knew it was time for a change. So she set out on a year long journey of self-discovery which took her to Italy, India, and Indonesia. I’m not saying anyone should mimic her journey. I think we must all find our own way and walk our own path.




More on Eat, Pray, Love
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCHDJV-4DCE

For more info on the book Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
http://www.elizabethgilbert.com/eatpraylove.htm




UPDATE (3/18/10): Eat, Pray, Love has been made into a movie starring Julia Roberts. It will be released in theaters on 13 August 2010. Here’s the movie trailer:

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100 Most Important Life Choices

“When it comes down to it, it isn’t the major choices we make in life – career, marriage, etc. – that count the most. It is the everyday, minor decisions that make life work for us.” –Shad Helmstetter, Ph.D.




Have you ever stopped to think about the impact your choices have had, or are having, on your life? When I was thinking about a topic for the next blog post the word “choices” came to mind. Occasionally I hear people say, “I have/had no choice.” And I couldn’t understand why they felt that way. See, they had a choice, they just didn’t like the choices. I guess you can say it was a choice between the “lesser of two evils.” Or they felt they were not able to make the choice they really wanted. Well my feeling was….if you can’t do it now, then plan for it so you can do it at some future date. Just come up with a plan, take action, and stick to it until you achieve whatever it is you want. Nobody said it would be easy, however, it can be done. That’s just my two cents worth.

In his book “Choices,” Dr. Shad Helmstetter came up with a list of the 100 Most Important Choices in your life. Before we get to the list, here’s a little of what Shad Helmstetter had to say about making choices:

“When we begin to take a careful look at the choices we make, it’s easy to come to the conclusion that the most important choices are the choices that guide and direct the major areas of our life.

It is easy to think that if we make good choices about our career, marriage, education, income, family, etc., we should be able to do just fine.
But what about the other choices – the thousands of almost unnoticed choices that all of us make (or do not make), day in and day out? How important are those “little” choices?

They are exceptionally important. It may be the big choices in life that set the direction for where we’re going, but it is the little choices that get us there.

Our loftiest goals become nothing more than unfulfilled dreams in life that fall by the wayside if we do not just as carefully make, and act on the smaller choices along the way. What do the little choices look like? I’ll give you some examples.

Here is a list of 100 choices. Some of them seem important; others seem so insignificant that we might wonder how they could be important at all. But each of them makes up some part of what we call “life.”

As you read through this list, notice that any one of the choices, no matter how seemingly insignificant, affects something about us; what we do, how we spend our time, what we think and how we think, how we feel, what we like or dislike, what works for us and what does not.

Each of us makes tens of thousands of choices in a lifetime.” A few of them are mentioned below. This book looks like it was written in 1989, so keep that in mind when wondering why you don’t see references to email, computer games, the internet, or social networking sites. Remember, these are just some choices. Emphasis on the word some.

Your 100 Most Important Choices:

1 – Who you spend most of your time with

2 – How you comb your hair

3 – What your favorite foods are

4 – What you eat most often

5 – How often you call home

6 – The books you read

7 – Your posture

8 – How much or how little you smile

9 – What you watch on television and how much you watch

10 – Your hobbies

11 – How much you exercise

12 – Whether you argue more than you should

13 – The style and color clothes you wear

14 – Who you invite to a party

15 – Whether you write letters

16 – Which telephone calls you return

17 – The appearance of your home

18 – How long something stays broken before you fix it

19 – How late you stay up at night

20 – What time you get up in the morning

21 – How well you listen to others

22 – Whether you smoke

23 – Whether you gossip

24 – How well you are able to concentrate

25 – The political candidates you vote for

26 – Whether you like or fear computers

27 – How fast you drive

28 – How much risk you are willing to take

29 – Whether you save money

30 – Whether you are a leader or a follower

31 – The amount of time you spend with your kids

32 – How organized you are

33 – Whether you go to church

34 – Whether you belong to a social or service organization

35 – How often you change shoes

36 – Who you admire most

37 – How often you are late for something

38 – What you do about a traffic ticket

39 – Who pays the bills in your household

40 – Who decides what to have for dinner

41 – How much time you give yourself to get ready in the morning

42 – What you do at the end of the day

43 – What you drink, if, and how much

44 – Where you buy your groceries, and why

45 – How calm you are

46 – Whose opinions you ask for

47 – How you handle problems at work

48 – Whether you attend concerts or cultural events

49 – How often you eat out

50 – How interested you are in other people

51 – How you show your emotions

52 – What newspapers or magazines you read

53 – Whether you give free advice

54 – What kind of car you drive, and what shape it’s in

55 – How you react to negative attitudes or opinions from others

56 – What sports you participate in

57 – How you spend your holidays

58 – How important it is for you to follow the trend

59 – How much time you spend talking to your spouse or mate

60 – How important you feel you are

61 – How you use credit cards

62 – How you look at problems in the past

63– How you treat or relate to members of the opposite sex

64 – How often you feel sorry for yourself

65 – Who upsets you the most

66 – Whether you like a challenge

67 – Who controls the conversation

68 – How you feel about world problems

69 – What you think about while you’re getting ready in the morning

70 – How much you worry

71 – How much patience you have

72 – How many compliments you give

73 – What gets you angry

74 – How often you almost run out of gas in the car

75 – What you do when you don’t get your way

76 – How much you spend, and on what

77 – How often you criticize

78– How happy you are

79 – How you feel about what other people think of you

80 – How often you do not tell the truth, and why

81 – How you take care of yourself

82 – How much you respect yourself

83 – How often you complain

84 – How often you have to be reminded of something

85 – Who you talk to when you have a problem

86 – How you leave your desk or work space at the end of the day

87 – What movies you attend

88 – How often you get a haircut

89 – How often you have friends visit

90 – How much encouragement you give to others

91 – How polite you are

92 – When you do your Christmas shopping

93 – What you think about, when you have time to think

94 – How much time you take to sell your ideas

95 – Whether you eat breakfast

96 – How you feel when you come home from work

97 – What you do when you’ve made a mistake

98 – What you do when someone else has made a mistake

99 – How you react to being stuck in a traffic jam

100 – What you think about just before you go to sleep at night




Dr. Shad Helmstetter’s website is: http://www.shadhelmstetter.com




You might also like: The 3 Decisions that Control Your Destiny
26 Quotes on Choices

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The Five Love Languages

“We must be willing to learn our spouse’s primary love language if we are to be effective communicators of love.” –Gary Chapman, Ph.D.

Have you ever wondered why you and your spouse aren’t feeling the love anymore?

Gary Chapman may have the answer to your question. He explains it all in detail in his book “The Five Love Languages – How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.” In the book Chapman says, “My conclusion after twenty years of marriage counseling is that there are basically five emotional love languages – five ways that people speak and understand emotional love.” He goes on to say that seldom does a husband and wife have the same primary emotional love language, and in order to be effective communicators of love, we must be willing to learn our spouse’s primary love language.

In short, here’s how Gary Chapman describes the Five Love Languages:

#1 — Words of Affirmation: Giving verbal compliments, encouraging words, using kind words expressed in a tender and kind tone of voice; love makes requests, not demands.

#2 — Quality Time: Giving someone your undivided attention — this does not mean sitting on the couch watching television together. Spend time with your spouse doing things that you know your spouse would like you to do with him/her. Engage in quality conversation — sympathetic dialogue where two individuals are sharing their experiences, thoughts, feelings, and desires in a friendly uninterrupted context. If I’m sharing my love for you by means of quality time and we are going to spend that time in conversation, it means I will focus on drawing you out, listening sympathetically to what you have to say. I will ask questions, not in a badgering manner but with a genuine desire to understand your thoughts, feelings, and desires. If your spouse’s primary love language is quality time, such dialogue is crucial to his or her emotional sense of being loved.

#3 — Receiving Gifts: Gifts are visual symbols of love. The gift of self or the gift of presence speaks loudly in times of crisis. Visual symbols of love are more important to some than to others. Gifts can be purchased, found or made. Without gifts as visual symbols, I may question your love.

#4 — Acts of Service: Doing things you know your spouse would like you to do. You seek to please him or her by serving him/her, to express your love for him/her by doing things for him/her. If done with a positive spirit, they are indeed expressions of love. Requests give direction to love, but demands stop the flow of love.

#5 — Physical Touch: Is also a powerful vehicle for communicating marital love. Holding hands, kissing, embracing, and sexual intercourse are all ways of communicating emotional love to one’s spouse. For some individuals, physical touch is their primary love language. Without it, they feel unloved. With it, their emotional tank is filled, and they feel secure in the love of their spouse.

Chapman also says:

“What we do for each other before marriage is no indication of what we will do after marriage. Before marriage, we are carried along by the force of the in-love obsession. After marriage, we revert to being the people we were before we “fell in love.” Our actions are influenced by the model of our parents, our own personality, our perceptions of love, our emotions, needs, and desires. Only one thing is certain about our behavior: it will not be the same behavior we exhibited when we were caught up being ‘in love.’”

“I am convinced that keeping the emotional love tank full is as important to a marriage as maintaining the proper oil level in an automobile. Running your marriage on an empty “love tank” may cost you even more than trying to drive your car without oil.”

“When your spouse’s emotional love tank is full and he feels secure in your love, the whole world looks bright and your spouse will move out to reach his highest potential in life. But when the love tank is empty and he feels used but not loved, the whole world looks dark and he will likely never reach his potential for good in the world.”

Have you figured out which one is your primary love language? The book is worth reading. For more info go to:
http://fivelovelanguages.com/ or http://garychapman.org/

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Peaks and Valleys of life

Have you ever noticed that your life is filled with ups and downs? It is never all ups or all downs. Last week I was at the Barnes and Noble just looking around when I saw this book on one of the display tables — “Peaks and Valleys: Making Good and Bad Times Work For You — At Work and In Life” by bestselling author Spencer Johnson. Interesting title I thought. I just glanced at it and kept on walking. Well something pulled me back. I had read this author before and like his work and writing style. So I bought the book and a couple days later sat down and read it in one sitting. It’s an easy read, only 101 pages.

Anyways, the book is a story about a guy who lives unhappily in a valley, who wants to get to “the Peak.” He meets a wise old man who lives on a peak and it changes his work and life forever. The old man tells him that all our lives are full of peaks and valleys. He likens it to our heartbeat. “Like a healthy heartbeat, your personal Peaks and Valleys are an essential part of a normal, healthy life. So are the Plateaus, if they are times of healthy rest when you take stock of what is happening and pause to think about what to do next. Peaks and Valleys are not just the good and bad times that happen to you. They are also how you feel inside and respond to outside events.” So, he goes on to say that we can make good use of our time in the Valley. There are valuable lessons to be learned in the Valley and, you can’t stay on the Peak if you are not prepared. Even though the old man lives on the peak, he goes down into the valley from time to time for provisions. He says that both physical peaks and valleys, and personal Peaks and Valleys are connected. How? He says…”The errors you make in today’s good times create tomorrow’s bad times. And the wise things you do in today’s bad times create tomorrow’s good times. People who use a Peaks and Valleys approach during bad times make things better when they return to basics, and concentrate on what matters most.” If you look back over the course of your life I’m sure you can see the Peaks and Valleys. I know I can. He says…”the path out of the valley appears when you choose to see things differently.”

At first after reading the book I thought — cute story. But like with most everything I read, I see if it can be applied to my life. The answer is yes. Can it be applied to your life? Probably. I’ll let you be the judge of that. Buy the book if you want to know more. He’s got tips for you in these areas:

- To manage your good and bad times
- To get out of the Valley sooner
- To stay on the Peak longer
- To get to your next Peak
- To help People

To learn more about Peaks and Valleys visit their website www.PeaksAndValleysTheBook.com

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