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Posts Tagged ‘Anger’

“When you squeeze an orange, orange juice comes out – because that’s what’s inside.  When you are squeezed, what comes out is what is inside.” –Wayne Dyer

 

Have you ever been listening to a friend, loved one, or co-worker complain about something that someone else did to them, only to realize that this person is guilty of doing the same thing?


Years ago I heard that life reflects back to you the way you are. Hmmm.  I’m not going to go so far as to say that I agree with that 100% because people get treated in ways that they would not treat others.  It seems like sometimes life is just showing us the differences in people, and it is not always pretty and not to our liking.  However…I do know that there are times when I know this “reflection” thing to be true.  Of course it’s easier to spot it when it is happening to someone else.  I’m not talking about the pleasant stuff — I think most of us feel that we deserve what we consider to be the good stuff.

I remember when I first put the question to myself.  I don’t remember what the specific details were of the incident but I do remember it involved my supervisor at the time.  I think she had reacted in a way that I didn’t like.  What I do remember is that I posed this question to myself…”Do I ever act/react like that?”  After quickly thinking about my work relationships my answer was a definite “NO.”  So then I asked, “Do I react this way at home?”  Ding, ding, ding, winner, winner!  I’m not one of those fly off the handle when angry kind of people.  Sure, I had moments of frustration at work but nothing made me lose my temper at work.  But what I did realize was that when I got really,really upset over something concerning my hubby, I made sure I let him know about it immediately — because I could not stand to let the uncomfortable emotion continue to churn inside of me.  No, I didn’t yell or scream to make my point but still he felt attacked and went on the defensive.  My thinking was that I just wanted to get my concerns resolved but looking back I see there was more to it than that.  I realize now that I also wanted to get the energy out of me.  Once I became aware of my behavior, I worked on changing it.

We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.” — Anais Nin

The other times I witnessed this “reflection” thing was with other people.  People who lied to or deceived someone else were in turn lied to or deceived by someone else.   But yet these same people would not make the connection.  Yes, people will lie to you, but the stuff I’m talking about is definitely of the “reaping what you sow” nature.

Another example is hearing someone say how their sibling just will not listen to them about anything, they just do what they want — and what they are doing is not working.  Well I really had to bite my tongue on that one.  My thinking was, “I really feel for you, now you know how I felt when you didn’t listen to me and it all ended badly because you didn’t.”  Instead I just calmly said, “Yeah, I know it can be very frustrating.”

Then there were the times when I listened to the person with anger issues complain about how their sibling displays anger.  The truth was…these two people displayed anger in the same way. One day I was actually able to calmly and lovingly express my observation and the impact of just letting anything fly out of your mouth (not that I hadn’t expressed the impact of words before). You know how some people can dish it out but can’t take the same in return — well this person is like that.

Our children can also reflect traits that we have but don’t see in ourselves.  When the Universe shows us the way we are, it may come in a way or from someone we don’t expect.  It is not necessarily going to come from the person or entity you treated in a specific way.  So, the next time something (a situation) or person upsets you, ask yourself if something is being reflected back to you.


Food for Thought:
“If you’re looking for inner peace from the outside world, you’re not going to get that.  The inner peace starts with you looking at you from the inside.  Understanding that everything that comes to you is what you are.  Everything from friends to boyfriends to the job you get – it’s all a direct reflection of what you are on the inside.” –Mary J. Blige



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How did you react the last time someone cut your car off in traffic? Or how did you react when you thought another driver was driving too slow? Did you yell, curse, tailgate the other car in the hopes that they would get the message and get our of your way? Or even worse, did you go after the driver who you thought “did you wrong” –so you could cut them off, flip them the bird, or to stop them so you could give them a piece of your mind? Where does the anger come from? Do we think we’re king of the road? I used to get angry (fuss about the other driver being an insensitive jerk) until one day my daughter, who hadn’t been driving too long, told me she reacted the same way. She said she learned it from me. Oh no! This is not a behavior I wanted to pass along. Enough said. We had a nice long chat about managing your emotions in the car. Since then I’ve kept myself in check. I want my daughter to be a safe driver and in control of her emotions behind the wheel. So far, so good. Let this be a reminder that our children are always watching and learning from us.

Even if you do remain ever so calm while driving in bumper-to-bumper traffic, there’s nothing quite like someone dinging your car door (while you are sitting in your car) to test your self-control. Whenever you feel that anger rising up in you just think of this video:



Here’s two good articles on road rage:

The Root Cause of Road Rage
The Growing Problem of Road Rage


With that said, who is to blame for your actions? Who decides how you are going to act in any situation? Check out this video to find out more. It will give you something to think about:



Stop Being Everybody’s Victim

(Adapted by Louis Lapides from John Powell, Why I am Afraid to Tell You Who I Am?, Argus Comm.)

The late U.S. syndicated columnist Sydney J. Harris accompanied his friend George to his favorite newsstand. George greeted the man selling the newspapers courteously, but in return he received gruff service. He barely acknowledged his customer and never even looked up at him when he requested the late night edition. Accepting the newspaper, which was shoved rudely in his direction, George politely smiled and wished the newsman a pleasant weekend. The proprietor grunted an indiscernible sound and seemed relieved that the two men had completed their transaction.

As the two friends walked down the street the columnist asked, “Does he always treat you so rudely?” “Yes, unfortunately, he does,” George responded. “And are you always so kind and friendly to him?” “Yes, I am!” George continued as they turned a corner. “Why are you so nice when he is so unfriendly to you?” With a look of deep contemplation, George explained, “Because I don’t want him to decide how I am going to act.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Who decides how you are going to act? Is it your circumstances or the difficult people in your life that determine your responses? When we allow our conflicts to control us, we behave as though getting rid of our predicaments is our only priority. Therefore, it doesn’t really matter how we treat one another.

For example, we say, “This person is causing me distress right now so I don’t care about exercising patience, self-control, and loving kindness. Instead, I want to let them know how angry I am because of their actions.”

We forget our trials will eventually subside. But the way we handle conflicts will influence our lives for a long time. Will you only respond to the momentary crisis or will you be more concerned about the enduring value of what kind of person you are becoming? Who decides how you will act when the pressure is on?
–Author Unknown



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How far do you go to get your own way? I came across this video and thought it worth sharing.

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Do not do to others what angers you if done to you by others. — Socrates

Are you one of those people who lets any hurtful thing fly out of your mouth when you get angry? Very early in life I learned the impact words have on others. As a result, I have never wanted to hurt others with my words and am very careful about what I say. However, I noticed that a lot of people did not get that lesson. Or maybe they just don’t care about what they say, or try to excuse it by saying they were angry. What gives anyone the right to say or do anything hurtful to another just because they are angry? Whatever happened to “do unto others as you would have them do unto you?” I know that sometimes it takes more effort than others to keep your mouth shut and not say things you’ll later regret — but it can be done. All you have to do is think of the impact your words will have on another. But then again, for some, when they are angry, hurting others is the point. Is it worth it in the long run? Here’s a story about anger that I think is worth sharing:

Nails in the Fence

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.

The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, “You have done well my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won’t matter how many times you say I’m sorry, the wound is still there. A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one.”

–Unknown

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