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Posts Tagged ‘Dating’

When it comes to relationships, one thing I’ve noticed is…money and fame do not exempt you from relationship problems. And when it comes to dating, I’m still hearing stories of dating drama from people of all ages. Sometimes I felt like I knew exactly what the problem was but knew I just couldn’t be honest with the person because I knew they couldn’t handle the truth, and the other reason is because they didn’t ask for my opinion. It has been a very, very, very long time since I’ve been out in the dating world, but when it comes to sex and gameplaying, it doesn’t seem like men have changed at all. Just like men, women are out in the workforce – some climbing the corporate ladder, some owning their own businesses, and believing it is their right to have sexual fulfillment. I agree. The one thing I have not seen women handle well is just having casual sex. They will go ahead and have sex with someone the first time they meet them or in as little as a few dates afterwards — then they expect a relationship. And the women are often angry, hurt, upset, crying – you name it – when the guy no longer calls, or just periodically makes contact via email or text message — or some period of time after having sex with him she finds out he is not looking for a relationship, or he reveals that he had thought he was looking for a relationship but has now changed his mind – how convenient! Ladies, ladies, ladies, when will you quit falling for the bull***t. Women are giving up their heart and body too easily and too soon. I recently had a conversation with my daughter about something a female friend of hers went through concerning her falling for some guy’s line. This got me thinking. What are the mistakes women are making when it comes to sex and dating? What would be helpful for women to know? So my daughter and I decided to put together some dating advice for women. I even asked my hubby to look this over. He said, “It looks fine but I think it could be more personal.” I gave it some thought and just decided to go ahead and post what I already have. Keep in mind, we are not claiming to be experts, as with anything – you can take it or leave it. So here goes.

Let me start off by asking you this question – When it comes to sex, do you really think men have changed their thinking?


Some thoughts on Sex:

A man can have sex with you without being emotionally attached to you.

My husband once told me “If you had sex with me the first time I attempted to have sex with you, we probably would not be together now.”

There is the thought that if a woman has sex with a man too soon then she is easy. After all, If she had sex with him that soon then she has sex with other men just as soon/easily. Therefore, in his mind, he is not special to you. And we all want to feel special, right.

Quote from a guy- “If you are too easy, they’ll assume they can trade up. Why? Because we’re conditioned anything good worth having takes effort.”

“Men are basically insecure creatures and if you sleep with him on the first date, what might you do with someone else? It puts a question mark in his head and he can’t get around it. From my own experiences, I have slept with some men on the first date…but there was never a second date…ever. However, I wasn’t looking for a second date. I knew I liked each one of them before I met them and during the evening things clicked and at the end of the night I was interested in having sex. As independent women with needs we can do this but remember that most men do NOT like this type of behaviour when they think of the person they could settle down with.”
Source: (http://www.datingwithoutdrama.com)

“If you don’t feel safe opening your heart, then keep your legs closed.” –author unknown

Sex is very important to men. In fact, it is so important that some of them are willing to pay for it. And some of them are willing to pay big, big bucks for it. I was totally shocked when I heard of men paying $1,000 plus for a 1 hour rendevous. How many women do you know who are willing to pay for sex?

If you’re going to give up the booty on the first night, don’t expect a relationship.

Do not have sex with someone the first time you meet them.

Do not have sex with someone on the first date.

If the person is dropping hints about sex when they are chatting online or in an email or on the first date with you, they are not serious about you. It’s just about you filling a need for them to get their rocks off!
(The reason waiting to have sex is so important is because you want your guy to be attached to you emotionally before you are intimate. — from Biggest Dating Mistakes Women Make


Dating and Having Sex Too Soon

Men rate and categorize people and things. You may want to be in the “marrying kind” category but instead you’re in the “plaything” category.


Thoughts on Dating:

Not all men are looking for a relationship and they will tell you what they think you want to hear just to get you to have sex with them.

Just because a guy says he wants to be in a relationship or that he wants to get married one day doesn’t mean he wants that relationship to be with you. It doesn’t mean he wants to marry you.

When meeting someone, find out if they are in a committed relationship, married, or whatever. If they say no, they are probably dating people. Don’t assume that they have just been sitting around, not going on dates, waiting for you to come into their life. A married male friend of mine told me a long time ago that he does not automatically tell women that he is married. If they ask him he will tell them that he’s married, but if they don’t ask, he says he doesn’t just volunteer it. I told him women look for the ring on the finger to tell if a guy is married. So ladies, be sure to ask.

Not all married men wear a wedding ring.

If someone says they are not looking for a girlfriend or committed relationship of any kind, believe them. If they say they don’t want kids, believe them.

It’s not about whether they like you — it’s about you deciding if you like them. Take your time getting to know the person. Don’t give your heart away so easily.

Just because you have an initial sexual attraction to someone does not mean you will like them as a person. It does not mean that person will be a good relationship partner for you.

If the other person says “I love you” too soon – run! They may just be saying this in the hopes you will fall for this line and have sex with them. I went on a few dates with one guy and at the end of the week he was telling me “I could see you being the mother of my children,” and how his parents would like me. Not taking anything away from me but I thought, this guy is just saying something he thinks women want to hear. Maybe I was not your typical woman because that was definitely not something I wanted to hear from someone I barely knew or who barely knew me.

Don’t hog the conversation. Need I say more.

Time. I once had a friend who met guys who only seemed to have time for her between Monday through Thursday. I remember this one guy she was seeing always had an excuse for why he couldn’t see her on the weekend. He usually said he had to go out of town. She couldn’t understand why she had that problem and I didn’t. I didn’t because I knew I was not going to be in a relationship with someone who didn’t have time for me on the weekends.

They give up too much too soon, such as sex, money and their hearts. — Source: The 4 Dating Mistakes Women Make

Quit fantasizing, quit trying to make every man you feel you click with (or who looks good to you on paper) into “the one” you are going to have a long-term relationship with or marry. I had fun dating. I learned more about myself as well as about other people and relationships.

“Take a cue from our male counterparts and approach the dating scene with the idea that there are plenty of men who are capable of making you laugh, sharing your values and melting your heart, and you’re going to have fun with several of them until you find one worthy of your commitment.” — 8 Dating Mistakes Women Make


You’re worth it!
Just like everyone else in the dating world, I played, had fun, made mistakes and learned lessons. But when I was serious – I believed in a courtship period. After all, I felt like I was worth it. This gave me time to get to know the guy and decide if I really liked him or wanted to move on (end it). I don’t know how I figured it out but I finally realized that 3 months was a pretty good time frame to see if the guy was serious about sticking around. See, when people first meet I noticed the guy is on good behavior…but he can only pretend for so long, and if he was playing, he’d be gone before 3 months. If he was on his best behavior, I figured out he couldn’t keep up the front, eventually his real self would start to show through. I never told any guy about this timeframe of observation/getting to know him. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you know a person in 3 months; however, you can save yourself some time, drama, and heartache. You see, a player does not want to invest a whole lot of time or money in you. And he certainly isn’t investing his emotions in you. He just wants to “hit it.” He may want to “hit it” more than once, like keeping you on ice, or like a doll on a shelf that he just takes off of the shelf to play with when he feels like it. With that said, here’s some good relationship advice from Madea:


Relationship Advice from Video World on Vimeo.



What dating advice do you have? or What “dating” lessons have you learned?



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Have you seen the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You?” What did you think of it? Do you think it was a fairly accurate portrayal of single women? Hubby and I finally saw the movie last night. This is one of those movies you can’t help but make comments or ask questions throughout. Questions like – “How can you not get the message?” or “Are they really that stupid?” I’d recommend seeing it, but not necessarily on a first date.

A couple years ago I saw the show Oprah did based on the book “He’s Just Not That Into You,” by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. You can check out an excerpt from the book here: http://www.amazon.com/Hes-Just-That-Into-Understanding/dp/068987474X. Some of the women who came on the show were brave enough to share their personal story. Poor things, they were completely clueless. One woman’s “boyfriend” of one year only seemed to make time for her about one weekend out of the month. The rest of the time he was busy working or traveling on business – yeah right. Another woman had a male friend that she would go jogging with but she was hoping it would turn into something more. She felt he might be too shy to ask her out on a date – yeah right. Another woman was still hoping to get together with this guy she only went out with one time. Since then he occasionally sends her text messages or emails but he never asks her out. The authors had to tell the women the harsh truth – he’s just not that into you! In the case of the last woman it turns out the guy has a girlfriend but wanted to keep in contact just in case things didn’t work out.

Ladies, ladies, ladies – have times changed that much? Back in the day women used to wait for the guy to call them. That was an indicator that he was interested. How much remained to be seen. Was he willing to invest time into getting to know you? Or was he just trying to “score” as quickly as possible? I know it’s a different world but it doesn’t mean men have changed all that much. It seems like women have become the aggressors, the hunters. So ladies, here’s some tips from me – let him call you, don’t sleep with him on the first date – put it off as long as possible so you can be more focused on getting to know him. If he can’t make time for you on the weekend then he’s probably got someone else. If he doesn’t give you his home number he may be married or living with someone. Be sure to look for a wedding ring and ask if he’s married, got a girlfriend, or if he is in a committed relationship. If he’s married or involved with someone move on. Find someone who is available for you. I have a friend who has been married over 20 years and says he meets women all the time during his business travels. He says he’s not cheating, he just likes talking to women. He does not volunteer the fact that he is married, he waits to be asked. If you don’t ask, he doesn’t tell. Nor does he wear his wedding ring anymore because it doesn’t fit. Whatever. That’s between him and his wife. Remember ladies, you are valuable and you don’t want to be with someone who is “just not that into you.” Does anyone else have any dating tips for women? If so, please leave them in the comments section.

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