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Dear Readers,

Thank you for taking the time to read this blog. For those of you who celebrate Thanksgiving — I hope you get to spend the day enjoying the company of your family/friends. Circumstances may not always be like we want them to be, but still, there are things for which we can be thankful. I can think of one right now — your eyes/eyesight. I HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A SAFE AND VERY HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

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When it comes to relationships, one thing I’ve noticed is…money and fame do not exempt you from relationship problems. And when it comes to dating, I’m still hearing stories of dating drama from people of all ages. Sometimes I felt like I knew exactly what the problem was but knew I just couldn’t be honest with the person because I knew they couldn’t handle the truth, and the other reason is because they didn’t ask for my opinion. It has been a very, very, very long time since I’ve been out in the dating world, but when it comes to sex and gameplaying, it doesn’t seem like men have changed at all. Just like men, women are out in the workforce – some climbing the corporate ladder, some owning their own businesses, and believing it is their right to have sexual fulfillment. I agree. The one thing I have not seen women handle well is just having casual sex. They will go ahead and have sex with someone the first time they meet them or in as little as a few dates afterwards — then they expect a relationship. And the women are often angry, hurt, upset, crying – you name it – when the guy no longer calls, or just periodically makes contact via email or text message — or some period of time after having sex with him she finds out he is not looking for a relationship, or he reveals that he had thought he was looking for a relationship but has now changed his mind – how convenient! Ladies, ladies, ladies, when will you quit falling for the bull***t. Women are giving up their heart and body too easily and too soon. I recently had a conversation with my daughter about something a female friend of hers went through concerning her falling for some guy’s line. This got me thinking. What are the mistakes women are making when it comes to sex and dating? What would be helpful for women to know? So my daughter and I decided to put together some dating advice for women. I even asked my hubby to look this over. He said, “It looks fine but I think it could be more personal.” I gave it some thought and just decided to go ahead and post what I already have. Keep in mind, we are not claiming to be experts, as with anything – you can take it or leave it. So here goes.

Let me start off by asking you this question – When it comes to sex, do you really think men have changed their thinking?


Some thoughts on Sex:

A man can have sex with you without being emotionally attached to you.

My husband once told me “If you had sex with me the first time I attempted to have sex with you, we probably would not be together now.”

There is the thought that if a woman has sex with a man too soon then she is easy. After all, If she had sex with him that soon then she has sex with other men just as soon/easily. Therefore, in his mind, he is not special to you. And we all want to feel special, right.

Quote from a guy- “If you are too easy, they’ll assume they can trade up. Why? Because we’re conditioned anything good worth having takes effort.”

“Men are basically insecure creatures and if you sleep with him on the first date, what might you do with someone else? It puts a question mark in his head and he can’t get around it. From my own experiences, I have slept with some men on the first date…but there was never a second date…ever. However, I wasn’t looking for a second date. I knew I liked each one of them before I met them and during the evening things clicked and at the end of the night I was interested in having sex. As independent women with needs we can do this but remember that most men do NOT like this type of behaviour when they think of the person they could settle down with.”
Source: (http://www.datingwithoutdrama.com)

“If you don’t feel safe opening your heart, then keep your legs closed.” –author unknown

Sex is very important to men. In fact, it is so important that some of them are willing to pay for it. And some of them are willing to pay big, big bucks for it. I was totally shocked when I heard of men paying $1,000 plus for a 1 hour rendevous. How many women do you know who are willing to pay for sex?

If you’re going to give up the booty on the first night, don’t expect a relationship.

Do not have sex with someone the first time you meet them.

Do not have sex with someone on the first date.

If the person is dropping hints about sex when they are chatting online or in an email or on the first date with you, they are not serious about you. It’s just about you filling a need for them to get their rocks off!
(The reason waiting to have sex is so important is because you want your guy to be attached to you emotionally before you are intimate. — from Biggest Dating Mistakes Women Make


Dating and Having Sex Too Soon

Men rate and categorize people and things. You may want to be in the “marrying kind” category but instead you’re in the “plaything” category.


Thoughts on Dating:

Not all men are looking for a relationship and they will tell you what they think you want to hear just to get you to have sex with them.

Just because a guy says he wants to be in a relationship or that he wants to get married one day doesn’t mean he wants that relationship to be with you. It doesn’t mean he wants to marry you.

When meeting someone, find out if they are in a committed relationship, married, or whatever. If they say no, they are probably dating people. Don’t assume that they have just been sitting around, not going on dates, waiting for you to come into their life. A married male friend of mine told me a long time ago that he does not automatically tell women that he is married. If they ask him he will tell them that he’s married, but if they don’t ask, he says he doesn’t just volunteer it. I told him women look for the ring on the finger to tell if a guy is married. So ladies, be sure to ask.

Not all married men wear a wedding ring.

If someone says they are not looking for a girlfriend or committed relationship of any kind, believe them. If they say they don’t want kids, believe them.

It’s not about whether they like you — it’s about you deciding if you like them. Take your time getting to know the person. Don’t give your heart away so easily.

Just because you have an initial sexual attraction to someone does not mean you will like them as a person. It does not mean that person will be a good relationship partner for you.

If the other person says “I love you” too soon – run! They may just be saying this in the hopes you will fall for this line and have sex with them. I went on a few dates with one guy and at the end of the week he was telling me “I could see you being the mother of my children,” and how his parents would like me. Not taking anything away from me but I thought, this guy is just saying something he thinks women want to hear. Maybe I was not your typical woman because that was definitely not something I wanted to hear from someone I barely knew or who barely knew me.

Don’t hog the conversation. Need I say more.

Time. I once had a friend who met guys who only seemed to have time for her between Monday through Thursday. I remember this one guy she was seeing always had an excuse for why he couldn’t see her on the weekend. He usually said he had to go out of town. She couldn’t understand why she had that problem and I didn’t. I didn’t because I knew I was not going to be in a relationship with someone who didn’t have time for me on the weekends.

They give up too much too soon, such as sex, money and their hearts. — Source: The 4 Dating Mistakes Women Make

Quit fantasizing, quit trying to make every man you feel you click with (or who looks good to you on paper) into “the one” you are going to have a long-term relationship with or marry. I had fun dating. I learned more about myself as well as about other people and relationships.

“Take a cue from our male counterparts and approach the dating scene with the idea that there are plenty of men who are capable of making you laugh, sharing your values and melting your heart, and you’re going to have fun with several of them until you find one worthy of your commitment.” — 8 Dating Mistakes Women Make


You’re worth it!
Just like everyone else in the dating world, I played, had fun, made mistakes and learned lessons. But when I was serious – I believed in a courtship period. After all, I felt like I was worth it. This gave me time to get to know the guy and decide if I really liked him or wanted to move on (end it). I don’t know how I figured it out but I finally realized that 3 months was a pretty good time frame to see if the guy was serious about sticking around. See, when people first meet I noticed the guy is on good behavior…but he can only pretend for so long, and if he was playing, he’d be gone before 3 months. If he was on his best behavior, I figured out he couldn’t keep up the front, eventually his real self would start to show through. I never told any guy about this timeframe of observation/getting to know him. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you know a person in 3 months; however, you can save yourself some time, drama, and heartache. You see, a player does not want to invest a whole lot of time or money in you. And he certainly isn’t investing his emotions in you. He just wants to “hit it.” He may want to “hit it” more than once, like keeping you on ice, or like a doll on a shelf that he just takes off of the shelf to play with when he feels like it. With that said, here’s some good relationship advice from Madea:


Relationship Advice from Video World on Vimeo.



What dating advice do you have? or What “dating” lessons have you learned?



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Having lived in other countries in the past, one thing I know is that you adapt. You obey their rules and you (learn to) speak their language. If you didn’t like it you didn’t have to live there. In the United States we celebrate Christmas. However, somewhere along the way someone decided that saying Merry Christmas would offend others who live in this country and do not call their celebration Christmas. Come on now, don’t you think that is just a bit too sensitive. I like saying Merry Christmas and sending Christmas cards, and after a lifetime of saying Merry Christmas, saying Happy Holidays just doesn’t feel right.

Wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!




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You might also like:
A Social Network Christmas
Santa and his singing reindeer
What Not To Get Your Wife for Christmas
The Art of Gift Giving
Merry Christmas, My Friend
May You Be Blessed

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Happy Thanksgiving!

Life can be so serious at times. We know we should count our blessings instead of focusing on what we don’t have. One of the things I’m thankful for is the gift of laughter. Laughter lightens my mood and just makes me feel good all over, plus I hear laughter is good for your health. Check out the articles below the video to learn more about the benefits of laughter. So, when is the last time you had a good laugh? I saw this video years ago and it mad me laugh. Hope it will at least make you smile.



Benefits of Laughter:
The Benefit of Laughter – How Laughter Can Reduce Stress and Increase Health
Laughter is the Best Medicine
Benefits of humor


What makes you laugh?


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“Life is not always easy. And that is a major reason why it is so precious. Many of life’s best rewards are possible only because you must work your way through difficult challenges to get to them. If everything in life were easy, there would be no opportunity for real fulfillment.” –Ralph Marston


Where do we get the idea that our life is supposed to be easy? Why do we think that when we start something new, things are going to go smoothly and happen in the timeframe in which we think it should happen? Why do we think that we should get results for our efforts when we want them?



About a month ago I watched the movie “Big Stan.” One part that stands out is when Stan, a weakling, is undergoing physical strength training. In the beginning it seemed like he was undergoing torture, but what the training was doing was toughening him up and teaching him how to fight and defend himself. Now this didn’t happen overnight, it took him 5 months of training every day for hours and hours to accomplish his goal. Although this movie was a comedy, the strength training scene came to mind a couple weeks later when I was feeling frustrated about something. It was an “A-ha moment,” a “light-bulb moment.” I realized that I was being too hard on myself. I realized that this was my training period and results were not going to happen any sooner because it was my wish and I felt “ready,” like I knew all I needed to know. Thinking of the movie made me smile and relax. I knew I was to keep on the track that I was on and to keep learning, and improvement would come in time. Since then, I’ve been thinking about life and how we like knowing what to expect and knowing when we are going to succeed, or…if we are going through a tough time, when the tough time is going to end. But life has other plans. We may be thinking we are just trying to reach a specific goal of our choosing, or we’re just going through a difficult time, but perhaps life is developing other things in us, as well as teaching us.



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Life’s Struggles
Everything has a Price to Pay
Falling Down
Life

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“It’s hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart still does.”



Many of us have experienced the pain of a broken heart when a relationship comes to an end. One of the things we do to self-soothe is to sit, or lay in bed, while listening to our favorite “sad” love songs over and over and over again. And then one day, you just stop listening. How did you get over your breakup?


Recently someone very close to my heart broke up with their longtime love. They said the break up was mutual. This is/was their first love. I’ve been offering words of advice to help the person get through this painful time but I know that my words have only offered temporary relief from the pain and sadness. I know that things just have to run their course. This got me thinking… “How do you mend a broken heart? How do you get over a breakup? What lessons can we learn when a relationship comes to an end?” Now I’m not talking about the negative things we might say about the other person, like… he/she is just a jerk, cheater, insensitive, a**hole, too possessive, too jealous, too controlling, crazy, cheap, depressing, selfish, etc. What I mean is – “What does the end of a relationship show us/teach us about ourselves?” I’ve decided to explore this further and in the future will write some blog posts on this subject. For starters, I’d like your help in answering this…

How do you mend a broken heart? How do you get over a breakup?


When it comes to relationships and their ending, I think many of us have heard the saying…

“It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.” – Alfred Lord Tennyson


But it sure doesn’t feel like it when you’re experiencing the pain of heartache/heartbreak. We feel the loss like we’re an addict going through withdrawal.

“Love is the hardest drug to quit, but it is even harder when it is taken away.” (author unknown)


Maybe you noticed that things were different between the two of you. You may have felt the person distancing themselves from you. You may have had a feeling that the end was near…



Or it happened suddenly…

“Breaking up. It happens kind of suddenly. One minute, you’re holding hands walking down the street, and the next minute, you’re lying on the floor crying and all the good CDs are missing.” – Kennedy Kasares


The pain is excruciating. You didn’t know you could hurt this much. You really want this pain to stop. Time goes by, it still hurts, and you think – ‘Is time really on my side?’ because…

“They say that time heals all wounds but all it’s done so far is give me more time to think about how much I miss you.” – Ezbeth Wilder



You’re obsessing over him/her and feel…


You know you can’t be friends …


But you’re hoping and praying he/she will come to his/her senses and realize…

“Ain’t No Sunshine” (by Bill Withers)


You just want to wake up from this nightmare. You want to hear your loved one say…

“Baby Come Back” (by Player)


OR

“Let’s Stay Together” (by Al Green)


Everyone says…

“If someone you love hurts you, cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it.” – Anonymous

But even though you try you…

“Can’t Let Go” (by Mariah Carey)


Because you still believe …

“We Belong Together” (by Mariah Carey)


You know that …

“Living in the past causes you to miss out on the present. Life is too short to let it pass you by.”

But your heart is saying…

“I Still Believe” (by Brenda K. Starr)


Maybe you were the one who initiated the breakup, or maybe the breakup was mutual.


It may hurt, but just remember that no one is…

“Irreplaceable” (by Beyonce’)


Even so, at the end of the day all you really want to know is…

How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?



More on this topic in another post. One thing I do know for sure is…

You’re going to need some music therapy. If you’re a woman, you’ve got to sing the women’s national anthem many, many, many times!


“I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor


And eventually you will be singing this song…


Remember…

“No matter who broke your heart, or how long it takes to heal, you’ll never get through it without your friends.”


What advice do you have for getting over a break up?



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“No matter what age you are, or what your circumstances might be, you are special, and you still have something unique to offer. Your life, because of who you are, has meaning.” — Barbara de Angelis

How old is old?

When I was in my early twenties I used to think 30 was old. Of all my birthday’s, I think turning 30 was the most difficult. Why? Because to me it meant that I was no longer young and that I had to “put away childish things.” It meant that now the world would officially see me as a “grown up,” and expect me to act like one — whatever that meant. For me it meant no more having fun going out to Happy Hour on Friday nights or dancing in a club. Where did this idea come from? I remember one night sitting at a bar in a restaurant with my best girlfriend. We were both in our twenties and we were, as the Jody Watley song says, “Looking For A New Love.” The DJ was spinning some tunes and people were on the dance floor having a good time. We were having a good time. I remember looking across the bar and seeing a woman in what looked to be her forties, sitting at the bar looking sad and drunk. This was not the first time I’d seen her in the place. She never looked liked she was really having a good time. To me she looked pathetic. She looked like an old woman trying to pick up a man. Each time I had seen her in the restaurant it looked like she was alone at the bar. Occasionally I’d see her talking with another female. And sometimes, before the end of the night, she’d end up in the company of one of the men in the restaurant. Now maybe we can say that she was just meeting all her dates at the same restaurant, or maybe she looked so sad because she was grieving. I’ll never know. What stuck with me was the thought I had after looking at this woman on that particular night. The thought being… “I don’t ever want that to be me. I don’t want to be some pathetic looking old woman sitting at a bar hoping to be picked up by some man.” And since somewhere in my mind I had deemed 30 to be old, it meant that that was the cutoff point for me to be out having fun in a bar or club. Not long after that I met the man who is now my husband and we did have lots of fun dating. Some of which included going out dancing. Soon the thought of 30 being old flew right out of my mind. In fact, a friend of mine and I actually had a conversation one day about how much we were enjoying our thirties. We felt like the twenties was just one big experimental phase and that with our early thirties we had discovered some newfound wisdom. We were still young, in good shape, having fun and we were wiser. WooHoo! Thirty has long since come and gone and I’ve found that although I may be getting older in years, I don’t feel old. I still feel vibrant, energetic, and curious about life. How about you?


So what have I learned about getting older? Ok, I haven’t completely thought it all out but here are a few of my pearls of wisdom:


1 – The outside may change but you can still remain young at heart.

“The great secret that all old people share is that you really haven’t changed in seventy or eighty years. Your body changes, but you don’t change at all. And that, of course, causes great confusion.” — Doris Lessing

“Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.” — Chili Davis


2 – With time and age comes experience — learn the lessons.

“Aging is an inevitable process. I surely wouldn’t want to grow younger. The older you become, the more you know; your bank account of knowledge is much richer.” — William Holden

“Of middle age the best that can be said is that a middle-aged person has likely learned how to have a little fun in spite of his troubles. – Don Marquis


3 – Keep having fun.

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop playing.” –George Bernard Shaw


4 – Moderation is key. Too much of anything is not a good thing.

“Whatever you do, do it in moderation” — Proverbs

“Never go to excess, but let moderation be your guide.” — Marcus Tullius Cicero


5 – Take good care of yourself — mentally as well as physically.

“A man ninety years old was asked to what he attributed his longevity. I reckon, he said, with a twinkle in his eye, it’s because most nights I went to bed and slept when I should have sat up and worried.” — Dorothea Kent


6 – Seek understanding.

“The beginning of wisdom is: Acquire wisdom; And with all your acquiring, get understanding.” Proverbs 4:7


7 – Just because you grow older doesn’t mean you grow wiser. Always seek wisdom.

“Wisdom is not a product of schooling but of the lifelong attempt to acquire it” — Albert Einstein


Pearls of Wisdom campaign:

Charity Jewish Care has recently launched ‘Pearls of Wisdom,’ a campaign which aims to change the perception of elderly people in society and encourage the younger generation to recognize and engage with the wisdom and life experiences that our elders have to offer.

As part of the campaign, renowned Creative Director Malcolm Green has created a short film in which elderly people share their pearls of wisdom. They talk about love, life and lots of other topics in an insightful and often funny way.


Check out this video for some more Pearls of Wisdom:

facebook.com/jewishcare – where people are leaving their Pearls of Wisdom


In the words of Satchel Paige:

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you were?


You might also like:
How to Stay Young in Heart and Mind to Maximize Your Life


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Happy Mother’s Day!

The longer I live the more I appreciate my mother. As a wife and mother, there have been times when I felt underappreciated, taken for granted, and felt like I’m just the fix it and clean it up person. Yeah I know, right now some of you are probably thinking… “Welcome to my world.” It’s during some of those times when I felt the most frustrated that a little voice in my head would say “This is probably how mom felt. Wow! She never let on. She did everything without complaining.” Just having that thought prevents me from having a pity party, and it is moments like that that make me appreciate her all the more. I am truly amazed by my mother. Maybe it takes being a mom to really recognize and appreciate the many, many, many things our mothers did (and maybe even still do) for us. So for mom’s everywhere, these videos are especially for your viewing pleasure:


The Mom Song (what a mom would say in a 24 hour period condensed down to 2:55 minutes)



“Some are kissing mothers and some are scolding mothers, but it is love just the same; and most mothers kiss and scold together.” – Pearl S. Buck


Mommy Rhapsody
(NOTE: You will see the performers appear in the video at the 10 second mark)



“Being a mother is undoubtedly and inarguably one of the hardest, if not “the” hardest job a woman can ever do.” –Lyn Lomasi, “The Hardest Part About Being a Mom: Moms Speak Out


Life Lessons from Moms:

Life’s Lessons from Your Mother
Life Lessons I Learned from My Mother
Readers Respond: Life Lessons My Mother Taught Me
‘Don’t Screw Up!’ and other advice from moms


“All mothers are working mothers.” –author unknown


You might also like:

25 Things My Mother Taught Me
Poem: Things My Mother Taught Me
Mother’s Day Quotes and Sayings
A Mother’s Day Tribute


What life lessons have you learned from your mom? What is the hardest part about being a mom?


“When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.” –Sophia Loren, Women and Beauty


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Happy Cinco de Mayo!

image courtesy of ClipartMountain.com


Over the past 2 years I’ve done posts on the history of Cinco de Mayo and shared some fun music (to help you get your groove on) in celebration of this day. Enjoy!


Click on the links below to view the previous Cinco de Mayo posts:

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

Cinco de Mayo history, trivia, and facts


Wishing everyone a safe and happy Cinco de Mayo!


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“Life is a train of moods like a string of beads; and as we pass through them they prove to be many colored lenses, which paint the world their own hue, and each shows us only what lies in its own focus.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson




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You might also like:
Are you a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime?
What’s the Purpose of Relationships?
Life’s a Journey
Thoughts on Life from General Colin Powell

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