When it comes to relationships, one thing I’ve noticed is…money and fame do not exempt you from relationship problems. And when it comes to dating, I’m still hearing stories of dating drama from people of all ages. Sometimes I felt like I knew exactly what the problem was but knew I just couldn’t be honest with the person because I knew they couldn’t handle the truth, and the other reason is because they didn’t ask for my opinion. It has been a very, very, very long time since I’ve been out in the dating world, but when it comes to sex and gameplaying, it doesn’t seem like men have changed at all. Just like men, women are out in the workforce – some climbing the corporate ladder, some owning their own businesses, and believing it is their right to have sexual fulfillment. I agree. The one thing I have not seen women handle well is just having casual sex. They will go ahead and have sex with someone the first time they meet them or in as little as a few dates afterwards — then they expect a relationship. And the women are often angry, hurt, upset, crying – you name it – when the guy no longer calls, or just periodically makes contact via email or text message — or some period of time after having sex with him she finds out he is not looking for a relationship, or he reveals that he had thought he was looking for a relationship but has now changed his mind – how convenient! Ladies, ladies, ladies, when will you quit falling for the bull***t. Women are giving up their heart and body too easily and too soon. I recently had a conversation with my daughter about something a female friend of hers went through concerning her falling for some guy’s line. This got me thinking. What are the mistakes women are making when it comes to sex and dating? What would be helpful for women to know? So my daughter and I decided to put together some dating advice for women. I even asked my hubby to look this over. He said, “It looks fine but I think it could be more personal.” I gave it some thought and just decided to go ahead and post what I already have. Keep in mind, we are not claiming to be experts, as with anything – you can take it or leave it. So here goes.
Let me start off by asking you this question – When it comes to sex, do you really think men have changed their thinking?
Some thoughts on Sex:
A man can have sex with you without being emotionally attached to you.
My husband once told me “If you had sex with me the first time I attempted to have sex with you, we probably would not be together now.”
There is the thought that if a woman has sex with a man too soon then she is easy. After all, If she had sex with him that soon then she has sex with other men just as soon/easily. Therefore, in his mind, he is not special to you. And we all want to feel special, right.
Quote from a guy- “If you are too easy, they’ll assume they can trade up. Why? Because we’re conditioned anything good worth having takes effort.”
“Men are basically insecure creatures and if you sleep with him on the first date, what might you do with someone else? It puts a question mark in his head and he can’t get around it. From my own experiences, I have slept with some men on the first date…but there was never a second date…ever. However, I wasn’t looking for a second date. I knew I liked each one of them before I met them and during the evening things clicked and at the end of the night I was interested in having sex. As independent women with needs we can do this but remember that most men do NOT like this type of behaviour when they think of the person they could settle down with.”
Source: (http://www.datingwithoutdrama.com)
“If you don’t feel safe opening your heart, then keep your legs closed.” –author unknown
Sex is very important to men. In fact, it is so important that some of them are willing to pay for it. And some of them are willing to pay big, big bucks for it. I was totally shocked when I heard of men paying $1,000 plus for a 1 hour rendevous. How many women do you know who are willing to pay for sex?
If you’re going to give up the booty on the first night, don’t expect a relationship.
Do not have sex with someone the first time you meet them.
Do not have sex with someone on the first date.
If the person is dropping hints about sex when they are chatting online or in an email or on the first date with you, they are not serious about you. It’s just about you filling a need for them to get their rocks off!
(The reason waiting to have sex is so important is because you want your guy to be attached to you emotionally before you are intimate. — from Biggest Dating Mistakes Women Make
Dating and Having Sex Too Soon
Men rate and categorize people and things. You may want to be in the “marrying kind” category but instead you’re in the “plaything” category.
Thoughts on Dating:
Not all men are looking for a relationship and they will tell you what they think you want to hear just to get you to have sex with them.
Just because a guy says he wants to be in a relationship or that he wants to get married one day doesn’t mean he wants that relationship to be with you. It doesn’t mean he wants to marry you.
When meeting someone, find out if they are in a committed relationship, married, or whatever. If they say no, they are probably dating people. Don’t assume that they have just been sitting around, not going on dates, waiting for you to come into their life. A married male friend of mine told me a long time ago that he does not automatically tell women that he is married. If they ask him he will tell them that he’s married, but if they don’t ask, he says he doesn’t just volunteer it. I told him women look for the ring on the finger to tell if a guy is married. So ladies, be sure to ask.
Not all married men wear a wedding ring.
If someone says they are not looking for a girlfriend or committed relationship of any kind, believe them. If they say they don’t want kids, believe them.
It’s not about whether they like you — it’s about you deciding if you like them. Take your time getting to know the person. Don’t give your heart away so easily.
Just because you have an initial sexual attraction to someone does not mean you will like them as a person. It does not mean that person will be a good relationship partner for you.
If the other person says “I love you” too soon – run! They may just be saying this in the hopes you will fall for this line and have sex with them. I went on a few dates with one guy and at the end of the week he was telling me “I could see you being the mother of my children,” and how his parents would like me. Not taking anything away from me but I thought, this guy is just saying something he thinks women want to hear. Maybe I was not your typical woman because that was definitely not something I wanted to hear from someone I barely knew or who barely knew me.
Don’t hog the conversation. Need I say more.
Time. I once had a friend who met guys who only seemed to have time for her between Monday through Thursday. I remember this one guy she was seeing always had an excuse for why he couldn’t see her on the weekend. He usually said he had to go out of town. She couldn’t understand why she had that problem and I didn’t. I didn’t because I knew I was not going to be in a relationship with someone who didn’t have time for me on the weekends.
They give up too much too soon, such as sex, money and their hearts. — Source: The 4 Dating Mistakes Women Make
Quit fantasizing, quit trying to make every man you feel you click with (or who looks good to you on paper) into “the one” you are going to have a long-term relationship with or marry. I had fun dating. I learned more about myself as well as about other people and relationships.
“Take a cue from our male counterparts and approach the dating scene with the idea that there are plenty of men who are capable of making you laugh, sharing your values and melting your heart, and you’re going to have fun with several of them until you find one worthy of your commitment.” — 8 Dating Mistakes Women Make
You’re worth it!
Just like everyone else in the dating world, I played, had fun, made mistakes and learned lessons. But when I was serious – I believed in a courtship period. After all, I felt like I was worth it. This gave me time to get to know the guy and decide if I really liked him or wanted to move on (end it). I don’t know how I figured it out but I finally realized that 3 months was a pretty good time frame to see if the guy was serious about sticking around. See, when people first meet I noticed the guy is on good behavior…but he can only pretend for so long, and if he was playing, he’d be gone before 3 months. If he was on his best behavior, I figured out he couldn’t keep up the front, eventually his real self would start to show through. I never told any guy about this timeframe of observation/getting to know him. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you know a person in 3 months; however, you can save yourself some time, drama, and heartache. You see, a player does not want to invest a whole lot of time or money in you. And he certainly isn’t investing his emotions in you. He just wants to “hit it.” He may want to “hit it” more than once, like keeping you on ice, or like a doll on a shelf that he just takes off of the shelf to play with when he feels like it. With that said, here’s some good relationship advice from Madea:
Relationship Advice from Video World on Vimeo.
What dating advice do you have? or What “dating” lessons have you learned?
Loved those videos!
K: Thanks for taking the time to watch the videos and posting a positive comment. Take care, A.
Take the time to learn about what “you” want out of dating 1st. I have found it(although challenging) better to hold off from sex while dating until I know that I can handle a guy notcalling or hell,calling too much(for this gd honey jk)Im taking it easy before I take that step in to looking for a relationship also,in fact im finally@peace w/the saying”dont look for love just let love find you”.The dating game is crazy so have fun but have standards&stick to your guns.know that YOU ARE WHO YOU ATTRACT&accept that most men cant (&shouldnt)be taken seriously(its not called the dating”game” for nothing)until they prove themselves worthy-take time&work on YOU start nurturing YOU&loving YOU.Explore different interests.If you dont have any make a list&get damn busy! Soon you will have all the love you need inside of you&will be fit to attract the love you want(&deserve)be patient&have some damn FUN in ya life girl! Fall in love w/YOU 1st!Hope this helped someone:)bcs i wish someone wld hv told me ths:)
And also ladies have faith in your journey…it may not be the right time for you to have a man right now. Dont become so thirsty for companionship that you accept any-old-thing (even for just a date have your standards!) when the lord created you he didnt just throw together some scraps of garbage&breathe life in to it then gave that pile of trash your name…you are a divine creature&there is no one else on this earth (or within or above the universe) that is like you (despite what your ex may have said to hurt your feelings lol) so ACT like it. Men are attracted to women who love themselves. If they arent then they have deeply rooted insecurities&may be abusive.they prey on women who dont think highly of themselves(yet)&want a man. Dont be a target for losers like that.@first sign of weakness they will take your ass for a ride honey(please take it from me.Im speaking from experience)IT ALL STARTS W/YOU LUV;) -TY p.s. Vibrators are your friend.hold out&hold on the RIGHT man is being prepared for you!
T: Amen! Thank you so much for sharing this.
“I believed in a courtship period.” Thank you!!! One of my friends met a guy recently and nine days later they were ring shopping and announced to his family they’re getting engaged. AHHH!
Seriously!!! If they plan on getting married soon they are really going to get an eye opener.
Yeah, they plan on getting married this coming April. She’s 19. He’s 21. I don’t understand the rush.
WOW! That is fast. I wonder what their parents had to say. People get so caught up in the excitement of making wedding plans but how many actually talk about how they are going to live together after they are married. We grow up hearing the fairy tales and watching movies that end up with “and they lived happily ever after.” So we end up thinking we are just going to get married and live happily ever after. Nobody talks about the work marriage requires. It might be helpful if they went for some pre-marital counselling.
Hey Lifelessons4u,
Thanks for that, hello, im 28, simple have been for a pretty very long time. when i was younger, adult females use to flip me down
Regards
@lifelessonsforu Yeah, the parents were supportive of the whole thing. My own mother told me that in the situation she would like at me and say, “Oh no you are not getting married!” It’s true, I think all of these happily ever after things skew things quite a bit. Not that I’m some expert, but I hope for marriage to be the most challenging, but most rewarding thing I ever do. My boyfriend of four months and I have both decided all of these people rushing into marriage have a few screws loose upstairs.
It is nice to hear a honest to goodness female perspective for once, and not some so called expert.
Sex, I read once, it hurts a man more to have learned that his wife/girlfriend had sex with another man and that it hurts more for a woman to find out that her husband/boyfriend had an affair of the heart (no sex). So that is another good example of how important sex some times is for men.
Sex during dating is like the caboose on a train, if everything is in line, the sex will be there when it is meant to be there. If not, it turns into a long train and you will be waiting a long time for that caboose.
Or a football player was asked if it was his goal to make the Pro Bowl, and he said no. His goal was to do his job to the best of his possibility and to help his team win. The Pro Bowl is just further recognition him doing a good job of that. Sex is kind of like that, I never went on a date with sex being the goal, but knowing that if things went well, down the road, sex would be there and much more meaningful, as it should be, then a superficial quick release. And I am not saying the guy washes dishes and he should expect to get sex for it. I mean that, there is actually a meaningful relationship going on and that it is mutual act further deepening that already meaningful relationship.
I prefer the saying about dating, “I don’t want to meet a lot of women, I just want to meet the right one.”
I don’t believe in a soul mate, but I believe that you can have more than one, but there definitely is a limited number of people you can be with.
I like the at least 3 month courtship period. How about a ten year period? It has taken me at least this long to really truly be in love with my wife, and I am sure it will probably take another ten years to increase even more.
Keep up the good work. Everyone should be so lucky to read this Blog.
Really nice blog..very informative for women.Thanks for sharing these videos.
Thanks I really needed to read this.
Glad you enjoyed it!