Posts Tagged ‘Marriage’

Happy Friday!

A friend shared this bit of humor with me. Hope it makes you laugh too. Enjoy!

Smart Woman

Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect girls getaway trip – shopping, massages, facials.

Two days before the group is to leave Mary’s husband puts his foot down and tells her she isn’t going.

Mary’s friends are very upset that she can’t go, but what can they do?

Two days later the three get to the hotel only to find Mary sitting in the bar drinking a glass of wine.

“Wow, how long have you been here and how did you talk your husband into letting you go?”

“Well, I’ve been here since last night……….. Yesterday evening I was sitting on the couch and my husband came up behind me and put his hands over my eyes and said, ‘Guess who?'”

I pulled his hands off to find all he was wearing was his birthday suit. He took my hand and led me to our bedroom. The room was scented with perfume, had two dozen candles and rose petals all over…………On the bed, he had handcuffs and ropes! He told me to tie and cuff him to the bed, so I did. And then he said, “Now, you can do whatever you want.”

So here I am.

You might also like:
Marriage Humor – Cake or Bed
Marriage Advice and Humor
Humor – What a Woman Wants

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“Nine times out of ten, an argument ends with each of the contestants more firmly convinced than ever that he’s absolutely right.” –Dale Carnegie

How do you handle conflict in your relationships?

How do you confront someone when they have said or done something you don’t like, disagree with, or find hurtful? How does the other person react?

How do you react when someone tells you that you have said or done something that they don’t like, disagree with, or find hurtful?

As a child growing up, I don’t ever recall my parents arguing — not even behind closed doors. If my brother and I wanted to go somewhere, or do something, both parents had to be in agreement. My dear hubby came from a household where he saw/heard his father doing plenty of yelling. His mother was a quiet woman, but eventually she started yelling back. Now, imagine the impact these two different households had on our conflict resolution skills. It’s safe to say that we can both learn a thing or two in the area of conflict resolution. So, today I downloaded (onto my Kindle) the book, “The Seven Conflicts: Resolving the Most Common Disagreements in Marriage,” by Tim Downs and Joy Downs. Another book I’m considering purchasing is, “The Joy of Conflict Resolution: Transforming Victims, Villians and Heroes in the Workplace and At Home,” by Gary Harper. My hope is that hubby and I will learn some new things and improve our conflict resolution skills. The only tips I have for you today (in the area of conflict resolution) are in these videos:

Conflict Resolution

“None of us can be free of conflict and woe. Even the greatest men have had to accept disappointments as their daily bread. … The art of living lies less in eliminating our troubles than in growing with them.” –Bernard M. Baruch

Seven Keys to Resolving Family Conflict

“Marriage means expectations and expectations mean conflict.” –Paxton Blair

“Everyday ask yourself the question, “Do I want to experience Peace of Mind or do I want to experience Conflict?” –Gerald Jampolsky

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It’s that time of year — the time when husbands stress out over what to get their wives for Christmas. My dad always waited til a day or two before and then ask me, “What should I get your mom for Christmas? What does she want?” Boy this used to irk me — 1) Because he waited til the last minute, 2) because this meant that I had to go out shopping with him to find a gift for her, and 3) I had to think up a gift for her. When I got out of school (no longer a kid) he still asked the same questions but he didn’t want to go shopping anymore — he wanted me to do it for him. Then he started asking…”What did you get your mom for Christmas? Could one of your gifts be from me?” Whaaat!!! If it was really last minute I’d have to give up one of my well thought out gifts and say it was from him. What is it with these guys??? It’s years later and I think we’ve come to a nice arrangement. Now my dad gives mom money for Christmas. She loves it! In fact she now tells me, “When he asks what I want, just tell him to give me money.” Great, everyone is happy. It works for all of us.

Just about every year hubby and I go through the same song and dance. He’ll ask, “What do you want for Christmas?” And I will say, “I don’t know.” Most times, I’ll eventually think up something and tell him. Where is the fun in that??? I want to be pleasantly surprised — emphasis on the word pleasantly. I manage to always come up with good gifts for him without his help, why can’t he do the same for me?

Here’s some funny video’s I found about men getting it wrong when it comes to getting their wives Christmas gifts. (Keep reading after the videos).

What not to get your wife for Christmas (this one is a little graphic)

Christmas Shopping Tips for Clueless Husbands

So what’s my hubby gift story?

When it comes to gift giving, hubby is hit or miss. I don’t like to dwell on it but I can think of two misses off of the top of my head: 1) Nothing – because we said we weren’t going to buy anything that year for eachother. And that’s one time he chose to stick by his word. And…2) When he got me cubic zirconia earrings instead of the diamonds I asked for, and told him where he could buy them, etc. I never believed he’d screw that one up — but he did, big time!

One of the best gifts he got me was on our first married Christmas together. He got me housecleaning services (a maid). Yay! WooHoo!

What has been your experience with receiving gifts from your current hubby, ex-hubby, or boyfriend? What is the best Christmas gift you received from them? What is the worse (top one or two) gift you got from your significant other?

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Do you think there are differences between the way men and women think?

Check out this video – “Men’s Brains vs. Women’s Brains.” It’s a hilarious description of the difference between men’s and women’s brains when it comes to telling and remembering details. This is from Mark Gungor’s Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage Conference.

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“The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.”
— Ralph Nichols

Do you ever feel like your partner doesn’t listen?

This past weekend my hubby and I almost got into an argument. I won’t bore you with the details. In short, based on his comments, I felt he missed the point and didn’t really understand. I felt frustrated and just thought…”Why even bother talking.”

Well this communication issue stayed on my mind. It got me thinking…”Why is it that we have no problem talking to our friends, and pretty much the rest of the world? You could talk to your spouse before you got married, so…What happens to communication after you get married?” I’m not alone in this line of thinking am I?

Here’s a video that shed some light on things and got me thinking. It’s a short video – only 1 minute 34 seconds long. Please watch it before you read on.

My Partner Never Listens:

We all have filters.

So, inspired by this video and our communication issues, I decided to find out more information. Boy was I in for a treat! Did you know there are four styles of listening: (1) People-oriented, (2) Content-oriented, (3) Action-oriented, and (4) Time-oriented. Plus there are numerous listening types: Discriminative listening, Comprehension listening, Biased listening, Evaluative listening, Appreciative listening, Sympathetic listening, Empathetic listening, Theraputic listening, Dialogic listening, and Relationship listening. On top of that, there are several different types of listening, based on how deeply you are listening to the other person. They are: False listening, Initial listening, Selective listening, Partial listening, Full listening, and Deep listening.

No wonder people have problems communicating! When it comes to our friends I think we mostly apply the “good” listening types, not the negative ones. If you’re the one doing all the talking, then you are blessed with a friend who is willing to listen to you. Read on and see if you can identify your listening types, and possibly your mate’s type(s). In a nutshell, here’s the description of the different listening styles/types:

Listening Styles:

1 – People-oriented: Those who are people-oriented show a strong concern for others and their feelings.

2 – Content-oriented: People who are content-oriented are interested more in what is said rather than who is saying it or what they are feeling.

3 – Action-oriented: Interested first on what will be done, what actions will happen, when and who will do them.

4 – Time-oriented: Have their eyes constantly on the clock. They organize their day into neat compartments and will allocate time for listening, though will be very concerned if such sessions over-run.

Read more about Listening styles here: http://changingminds.org/techniques/listening/listening_styles.htm

Listening Types:

There are many names for different types of listening. Here is a collection of types and the different names that get ascribed to them, along with a brief description of each.

Active listening – Listening in a way that demonstrates interest and encourages continued speaking.

Appreciative listening – Looking for ways to accept and appreciate the other person through what they say. Seeking opportunity to praise. Alternatively listening to something for pleasure, such as to music.

Attentive listening – Listening obviously and carefully, showing attention.

Biased listening – Listening through the filter of personal bias.

Casual listening – Listening without obviously showing attention. Actual attention may vary a lot.

Comprehension listening – Listening to understand. Seeking meaning (but little more).

Content listening – Listening to understand. Seeking meaning (but little more).

Critical listening – Listening in order to evaluate, criticize or otherwise pass judgment on what someone else says.

Deep listening – Seeking to understand the person, their personality and their real and unspoken meanings and motivators.

Dialogic listening – Finding meaning through conversational exchange, asking for clarity and testing understanding.

Discriminative listening – Listening for something specific but nothing else (eg. a baby crying).

Empathetic listening – Seeking to understand what the other person is feeling. Demonstrating this empathy.

Evaluative listening – Listening in order to evaluate, criticize or otherwise pass judgment on what someone else says.

False listening – Pretending to listen but actually spending more time thinking.

Full listening – Listening to understand. Seeking meaning.

High-integrity listening – Listening from a position of integrity and concern.

Inactive listening – Pretending to listen but actually spending more time thinking.

Informative listening – Listening to understand. Seeking meaning (but little more).

Initial listening – Listening at first then thinking about response and looking to interrupt.

Judgmental listening – Listening in order to evaluate, criticize or otherwise pass judgment on what someone else says.

Partial listening – Listening most of the time but also spending some time day-dreaming or thinking of a response.

Reflective listening – Listening, then reflecting back to the other person what they have said.

Relationship listening – Listening in order to support and develop a relationship with the other person.

Sympathetic listening – Listening with concern for the well-being of the other person.

Therapeutic listening – Seeking to understand what the other person is feeling. Demonstrating this empathy.

Total listening – Paying very close attention in active listening to what is said and the deeper meaning found through how it is said.

Whole-person listening – Seeking to understand the person, their personality and their real and unspoken meanings and motivators.

More info on Listening Types and Depth of Listening:


Principles of Effective Listening: http://www.shkaminski.com/Classes/Handouts/Listening.htm

The wise old owl lived in an oak;
The more he saw the less he spoke;
The less he spoke the more he heard:
Why can’t we all be like that bird?
–Edward H. Richards

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Did you get married for love?

We like to think that everyone gets married for love, but that isn’t always the case. Maybe love had something to do with it – or not. Maybe it was a combination of reasons. I’ve listed seventeen reasons why people get married. Can you add to the list?

Reasons Why People Get Married:

1 – Love

2 – To have children

3 – To help raise the child/children they already have

4 – Pregnancy

5 – Money/Financial support

6 – To stay in the country

7 – To try to hide the fact that they are homosexual

8 – Were Drunk or high on something and it sounded like a good idea at the time

9 – Arranged marriage

10 – Because everyone else is doing it. Other people’s expectations

11 – Companionship

12 – Escape from home

13 – To avoid pain. Rebounding from a breakup

14 – They always wanted to be married. Tradition

15 – Someone to take care of their sick or elderly mother/father

16 – Thinks the other person is just too good of a catch to let slip by

17 – They want someone to cater to them. They want a Stepford Wife: cook, clean house, satisfy their every sexual desire, have babies, boost their self-esteem, stroke their ego. They want a robot.

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Happy Friday!

What will you be doing this weekend? I think I’ll just do the “Betty Crocker” thing and bake a cake while hubby does some things on the “Honey-do” list. Just kidding. One of the things I love about my hubby is that he isn’t afraid to pick up a tool or take out the trash — unlike my father. My father was taking out the trash one day when his neighbor saw him and asked, “Is Lydia sick?” My father replied, “Yes, how did you know? I didn’t say anything.” Then the neighbor said, “Because you’re taking out the trash. And you never take out the trash, so I figure Lydia must be sick.” Well that’s my dad for you. We just love him for his other qualities. Whatever you do this weekend, I hope you enjoy yourself. Until next time, I’m leaving you with a little something I think will make you smile.

Cake or Bed:

A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts,
“Honey,” she says, “Could you fix the light in the hallway? It’s been flickering for several weeks now.”

He looks at her and says angrily, “Fix the lights now…in the middle of this football game? No way.
Besides, does it look like I have General Electric written on my forehead? I don’t think so.”

“Fine,” says the wife, and then she asks,
“Well, could you at least fix the fridge door? It won’t close right and I’m afraid the food inside is going to spoil.”

To which the husband replies, “Fix the fridge door now…in the middle of this play-off game? No way.
Besides, does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don’t think so.”

“Fine,” she says, “Then could you at least fix the steps leading up to the front door? They are about to break.”

“One, I’m not a carpenter and two, I would like to watch this game,” the husband says.
“Besides, does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don’t think so.
You know, I’ve had enough of you and your requests. I’m going to the bar where I can watch the football game without all these interruptions!!!”

So off he goes to the local bar, where he watches the remainder of the game
and drinks for several hours……….
After a while, however, he starts to feel guilty about how he has treated his wife, and he decides to return home.

As he approaches the house he notices that the steps leading up to the front door have been fixed.
Then, as he enters the house, he sees that the hall light is working.
And shortly thereafter when he goes to get a beer, he notices that the fridge door has also been fixed.

“Honey,” he calls to his wife, “How did all these things get fixed?”

“Well,” she said, “When you left I went outside, sat in a lawn chair, and cried.
As luck would have it, I wasn’t out there too long when the nicest young man came by and asked me what was wrong.
And I told him.

He, in turn, offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either go to bed with him or bake him a cake.”

“So,” the husband said, “What kind of cake did you bake?”

To this the wife replied, “Hellooooo…do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead?
I don’t think so!”

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Do you know what it takes to have a great marriage?

I think it’s safe to say that most of us who are married, or who have been married, find it challenging – or to have been a challenge. There is always something new to learn about yourself, your partner, communicating and just getting along. Wilferd A. Peterson, the author of the poem “The Art of Marriage,” was married to his wife for 58 years. Do you think maybe he learned some things from being married that long? I thought what he had to say was worth sharing. Read on.

“The Art Of Marriage”

Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens.
A good marriage must be created.
In the art of marriage the little things are the big things…

It is never being too old to hold hands.

It is remembering to say “I love you” at least once a day.

It is never going to sleep angry.

It is at no time taking the other for granted;
the courtship should not end with the honeymoon,
it should continue through all the years.

It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives.
It is standing together facing the world.

It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family.

It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude
of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy.

It is speaking words of appreciation
and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.

It is not looking for perfection in each other.
It is cultivating flexibility, patience,
understanding and a sense of humor.

It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.

It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.

It is finding room for the things of the spirit.
It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.

It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal,
dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal.

It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.

It is discovering what marriage can be, at its best.

– by Wilferd Arlan Peterson

Who was Wilferd Arlan Peterson? Here’s a little bit of info I found on the internet:

Wilferd Arlan Peterson (August 21, 1900 – June 2, 1995) was an American author who wrote for This Week magazine (a national Sunday supplement in newspapers) for many years. For twenty-five years, he wrote a monthly column for Science of Mind magazine.

He was born in Whitehall, Michigan and lived most of his life in Grand Rapids, where he was the Vice President and Creative Director of an advertising firm, the Jaqua Company. A prolific writer for various industry publications, his inspirational essays began to appear on the “Words To Live By” page of This Week magazine in 1960 (which was distributed in 42 metropolitan Sunday newspapers with over 13 million readers). Letters of praise from admiring readers led to the publication of The Art of Living, the first of a series of books that would sell millions of copies.

Mr. Peterson was regarded as “one of the best loved American writers of the 20th century, renowned for his inspirational wisdom and aphoristic wit” by the Independent Publishers Group. He was a frequent contributor to This Week magazine, Science of Mind magazine and Readers Digest.

His published works include: The Art of Getting Along (1949), The Art of Living (1961), The New Book of the Art of Living (1962, 1963), More about the Art of Living (1966), Adventures in the Art of Living (1968), The Art of Living in the World Today (1969), The Art of Living Day by Day (1972), The Art of Living Treasure Chest (1977), The Art of Creative Thinking (1991) and The Art of Living: Thoughts on Meeting the Challenge of Life (1993).

Wilferd Peterson was married to Ruth Irene Rector Peterson in 1921 (she passed away in 1979, one month after celebrating their 58th wedding anniversary). He credits his wife Ruth as being the inspiration for his work (saying that while he “wrote about the art of living, she lived it”), and they collaborated often on producing these inspirational books.

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Have you ever stopped to think about what your needs are in a relationship? Did you ever think they might be different from your mate?

Needs — what an interesting word. I used to be one of those people who didn’t even know that word when it came to a relationship. I knew I had “wants.” Well along comes this book “His Needs, Her Needs: Building An Affair-proof Marriage,” by Willard F. Harley, Jr. to school me all about “needs” in a marriage. Finally, I felt validated. I wasn’t being selfish or unrealistic. The first time I saw the lists I thought I also wanted to add some of the things from the man’s list. What can I say…I’m a woman, and you know we want it all!

Willard F. Harley, Jr., Ph.D. is a psychologist and marriage counselor with more than 30 years of experience. This is what he had to say about his needs/her needs:

Excerpt from His Needs, Her Needs

“In my counseling experience, I have identified five basic needs men expect their wives to fulfill and five needs women expect their husbands to meet. Time and again these ten needs have surfaced as I have helped literally thousands of couples improve their troubled marriages. Although each individual may perceive his or her needs differently, the consistency with which these two sets of five categories have surfaced to explain marital problems impresses me.

The man’s five most basic needs in marriage tend to be:

1. Sexual fulfillment

2. Recreational companionship

3. An attractive spouse

4. Domestic support

5. Admiration

The woman’s five most basic needs in marriage tend to be:

1. Affection

2. Conversation

3. Honesty and openness

4. Financial support

5. Family commitment

These categories may not apply equally to everyone. Some men and women will look at their respective lists and say, quite honestly, “I don’t share this or that need.” Sometimes people will see things on the list of the opposite sex that will strike them as more applicable to themselves. Long experience has taught me, however, that the vast majority of each sex do agree that the needs I have listed are their deepest ones when it comes to the marriage relationship.”

“In marriages that fail to meet those needs, I have seen, strikingly and alarmingly, how consistently married people choose the same pattern to satisfy their unmet needs: the extramarital affair. People wander into affairs with astonishing regularity, in spite of whatever strong moral or religious convictions they may hold. Why? Once a spouse lacks fulfillment of any of the five needs, it creates a thirst that must be quenched. If changes do not take place within the marriage to care for that need, the individual will face the powerful temptation to fill it outside of marriage.”

Don’t shoot me if you don’t agree. I’m just the messenger. I do think this is something to think about. Yes, it’s easy for us to say that people cheat because “they want to.” However, I don’t think most people go into marriage with the idea of being unfaithful to their spouse. We may not like it, but maybe there is something to what Dr. Harley is saying.

About the Book – His Needs, Her Needs

Read Chapter 1 of His Needs, Her Needs

Emotional Needs Descriptions and Emotional Needs Questionnaire

Info on Dr. Harley

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We often think our point of view is the only view, or the “right” side of the story. There are two sides to every story. Here’s a little relationship humor that I hope makes you smile. Happy Friday!

Dear Wife:

I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good. I’ve been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn’t even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.

You don’t tell me you love me anymore, you don’t want sex anymore or anything. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore, whatever the case is, I’m gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don’t try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!


Dear Ex-Husband:

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn’t work.

I did notice when you got a hair cut last week, the first thing that came to mind was “You look just like a girl!” but my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say anything nice. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning … And your silk boxers were $49.99.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that with the letter that you wrote, you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.

Rich As H_e_l_l and Free!

P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this but Carla, my sister, was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem.

Keep on keepin’ on!

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