Posts Tagged ‘Marriage’

Do you know what it takes to have a great marriage?

I think it’s safe to say that most of us who are married, or who have been married, find it challenging – or to have been a challenge. There is always something new to learn about yourself, your partner, communicating and just getting along. Wilferd A. Peterson, the author of the poem “The Art of Marriage,” was married to his wife for 58 years. Do you think maybe he learned some things from being married that long? I thought what he had to say was worth sharing. Read on.

“The Art Of Marriage”

Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens.
A good marriage must be created.
In the art of marriage the little things are the big things…

It is never being too old to hold hands.

It is remembering to say “I love you” at least once a day.

It is never going to sleep angry.

It is at no time taking the other for granted;
the courtship should not end with the honeymoon,
it should continue through all the years.

It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives.
It is standing together facing the world.

It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family.

It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude
of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy.

It is speaking words of appreciation
and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.

It is not looking for perfection in each other.
It is cultivating flexibility, patience,
understanding and a sense of humor.

It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.

It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.

It is finding room for the things of the spirit.
It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.

It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal,
dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal.

It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.

It is discovering what marriage can be, at its best.

– by Wilferd Arlan Peterson

Who was Wilferd Arlan Peterson? Here’s a little bit of info I found on the internet:

Wilferd Arlan Peterson (August 21, 1900 – June 2, 1995) was an American author who wrote for This Week magazine (a national Sunday supplement in newspapers) for many years. For twenty-five years, he wrote a monthly column for Science of Mind magazine.

He was born in Whitehall, Michigan and lived most of his life in Grand Rapids, where he was the Vice President and Creative Director of an advertising firm, the Jaqua Company. A prolific writer for various industry publications, his inspirational essays began to appear on the “Words To Live By” page of This Week magazine in 1960 (which was distributed in 42 metropolitan Sunday newspapers with over 13 million readers). Letters of praise from admiring readers led to the publication of The Art of Living, the first of a series of books that would sell millions of copies.

Mr. Peterson was regarded as “one of the best loved American writers of the 20th century, renowned for his inspirational wisdom and aphoristic wit” by the Independent Publishers Group. He was a frequent contributor to This Week magazine, Science of Mind magazine and Readers Digest.

His published works include: The Art of Getting Along (1949), The Art of Living (1961), The New Book of the Art of Living (1962, 1963), More about the Art of Living (1966), Adventures in the Art of Living (1968), The Art of Living in the World Today (1969), The Art of Living Day by Day (1972), The Art of Living Treasure Chest (1977), The Art of Creative Thinking (1991) and The Art of Living: Thoughts on Meeting the Challenge of Life (1993).

Wilferd Peterson was married to Ruth Irene Rector Peterson in 1921 (she passed away in 1979, one month after celebrating their 58th wedding anniversary). He credits his wife Ruth as being the inspiration for his work (saying that while he “wrote about the art of living, she lived it”), and they collaborated often on producing these inspirational books.


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Have you ever stopped to think about what your needs are in a relationship? Did you ever think they might be different from your mate?

Needs — what an interesting word. I used to be one of those people who didn’t even know that word when it came to a relationship. I knew I had “wants.” Well along comes this book “His Needs, Her Needs: Building An Affair-proof Marriage,” by Willard F. Harley, Jr. to school me all about “needs” in a marriage. Finally, I felt validated. I wasn’t being selfish or unrealistic. The first time I saw the lists I thought I also wanted to add some of the things from the man’s list. What can I say…I’m a woman, and you know we want it all!

Willard F. Harley, Jr., Ph.D. is a psychologist and marriage counselor with more than 30 years of experience. This is what he had to say about his needs/her needs:

Excerpt from His Needs, Her Needs

“In my counseling experience, I have identified five basic needs men expect their wives to fulfill and five needs women expect their husbands to meet. Time and again these ten needs have surfaced as I have helped literally thousands of couples improve their troubled marriages. Although each individual may perceive his or her needs differently, the consistency with which these two sets of five categories have surfaced to explain marital problems impresses me.

The man’s five most basic needs in marriage tend to be:

1. Sexual fulfillment

2. Recreational companionship

3. An attractive spouse

4. Domestic support

5. Admiration

The woman’s five most basic needs in marriage tend to be:

1. Affection

2. Conversation

3. Honesty and openness

4. Financial support

5. Family commitment

These categories may not apply equally to everyone. Some men and women will look at their respective lists and say, quite honestly, “I don’t share this or that need.” Sometimes people will see things on the list of the opposite sex that will strike them as more applicable to themselves. Long experience has taught me, however, that the vast majority of each sex do agree that the needs I have listed are their deepest ones when it comes to the marriage relationship.”

“In marriages that fail to meet those needs, I have seen, strikingly and alarmingly, how consistently married people choose the same pattern to satisfy their unmet needs: the extramarital affair. People wander into affairs with astonishing regularity, in spite of whatever strong moral or religious convictions they may hold. Why? Once a spouse lacks fulfillment of any of the five needs, it creates a thirst that must be quenched. If changes do not take place within the marriage to care for that need, the individual will face the powerful temptation to fill it outside of marriage.”

Don’t shoot me if you don’t agree. I’m just the messenger. I do think this is something to think about. Yes, it’s easy for us to say that people cheat because “they want to.” However, I don’t think most people go into marriage with the idea of being unfaithful to their spouse. We may not like it, but maybe there is something to what Dr. Harley is saying.

About the Book – His Needs, Her Needs

Read Chapter 1 of His Needs, Her Needs

Emotional Needs Descriptions and Emotional Needs Questionnaire

Info on Dr. Harley

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We often think our point of view is the only view, or the “right” side of the story. There are two sides to every story. Here’s a little relationship humor that I hope makes you smile. Happy Friday!

Dear Wife:

I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good. I’ve been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn’t even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.

You don’t tell me you love me anymore, you don’t want sex anymore or anything. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore, whatever the case is, I’m gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don’t try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!


Dear Ex-Husband:

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn’t work.

I did notice when you got a hair cut last week, the first thing that came to mind was “You look just like a girl!” but my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say anything nice. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning … And your silk boxers were $49.99.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that with the letter that you wrote, you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.

Rich As H_e_l_l and Free!

P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this but Carla, my sister, was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem.

Keep on keepin’ on!

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Ever wonder if men have any “rules” when it comes to women? In the spirit of fun, here’s an email that my father shared with me. He said I may have seen it before but “this one is well worth a second look.” I must admit these are pretty good.

The Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down.

Finally, the guys’ side of the story.

(I must admit, it’s pretty good.)

We always hear “the rules” from the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!

Please note… these are all numbered “1” ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it ourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to,
Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine…Really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

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Are you neglecting your spouse or significant other in some way? Many years ago a good friend of mine and I were having a conversation about relationships and people getting their needs met. He said, “There is always someone willing to do for you what your mate won’t do. People are only going to go but so long without getting their needs met before they find a way to get them met.” When it comes to sex he said, “Wives think that they are punishing their husbands by not having sex with them. Well, he’s only going to put up with that for so long. Just because the wife isn’t having sex with him doesn’t mean he’s not having sex with someone else. He’s going to get his needs met.” On the other hand I’ve known good women who have been vulnerable to someone other than their husband. Not for lack of sex, but for lack of the emotional stuff. What began as a friendship turned into something more. It eventually became love. They did not leave their spouses. This is just something for you to take into consideration when you think about how you treat your mate.

Marital Counseling:

A husband and wife went to counseling after 15 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married.

She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of un-met needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, “This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?”

The husband thought for a moment and replied, “Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish.”

Remember this — A Clean up Man or a Clean up Woman could be out there waiting for your mate.

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Are you expressing your love to your mate, or do you leave them starving for it like you’ve got them on the Slim Fast diet plan? When they express a hurt that you’ve caused do you take ownership of it, or do you get defensive, lash out at them and begin to tell them how they aren’t doing enough to please you? Do you apologize when you’re wrong, or do you always have to take up the “top dog” stance? Are your words uplifting, or filled with sarcasm which brings others down? How much fun are you to be around? How pleasant is your company? Are you adding joy to the relationship, or something else? Is your negativity sucking the life out of your relationship? I’ve heard that unhappy people only make others miserable. Take a moment and think, if today was the last day you were with your mate, how will they sum up your treatment of them in the relationship? Are you expressing your love for your mate, or are you expressing something else?

Express Yourself!

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Quote: I’ve learned…

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When is the last time you had a really good laugh? Since it’s Friday, I figured it was time to lighten up and not be so serious. It’s time to laugh! It is in that spirit that I’m sharing this bit of humor with you that someone sent to me. Hope it makes you laugh!

Don’t Fart in Bed

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.

The only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.

The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn’t stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to blast them out!

Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.

She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.

The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes!

After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.

He said, ‘Honey, you were right.’ ‘All these years you have warned me and I didn’t listen to you.’

‘What do you mean?’ asked his wife.

‘Well, you always told me that one day I would end up Farting my guts out, and today it finally happened.

But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in.

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